two individual friends, who have sex and express absolutely no romantic feelings towards one another. Most common amongst college aged students. Strongly considered the most hazardous type of casual sex.
The problem more often than not, is that one partner doesn’t explicitly express their emotions towards the other. So when they finally do and the emotions are not reciprocated… hearts get broken. The key for making a true FWB last is for both parties to continuously be on the same page. You have to want sex, without any commitment or expectations.
- NOT because you’re secretly hoping for it to turn into something else
- NOT because you’re lonely
- NOT because you want to connect with your partner emotionally
It is not gender that determines whether or not one will actually benefit from the relationship (though 43% of women wish their friend will turn into a romantic partner, in comparison to only 24% of men). Instead it is one’s initial motives. One study found that those searching strictly for sex experienced “happy” results, while those searching for romance were more than likely “disappointed.”
More importantly, 73% of partners don’t set ground rules for their FWB relationship, which is essential to staying on the right page. Are we just sleeping with each other? Are we seeing other people? Are we telling people? What type of public interaction is acceptable? Can I spend the night? Have you been tested? All of these are critical questions that need to be asked.
Communication is essential if you want the longest standing FWB (which is estimated at three months maximum). It allows you to establish some sort of boundaries to prevent future confusion and shows that you’re serious about what you’re there for.
Here are some tips for success:
- Don’t expect him to walk you out, open doors, or share food. This friendship doesn’t require dinners, flowers, or gifts. But let’s say he does, because y’all are friends and he’s a gentleman like that. DO NOT TAKE IT TO HEART. Don’t let that compliment have you thinking about him later.
- There will be absolutely no sleeping over. It’s best to get in and get out. You are only there for one purpose. It’s not to be caked up and cuddled throughout the night. Sleeping together is a common form of intimacy that should be avoided in these situations.
- Don’t hit him up when you’re emotional. It’s okay to double tap his photo on IG or ask a question regarding the homework, but don’t get too personal. It’s his job to provide the D, not emotional support on a bad day.
- Don’t bring your relationship outside of the bedroom. No need to invite him to things or participate in date like activities. And in the event, that he has to cancel because of other plans or a date… there shall be no attitude given.
- No Photos. No change of clothes in his closet. No extra toothbrush. No morning text.
People show how they care by how they talk, how they listen, and what they’re willing to do for you… In a FWB situation, you cannot be upset if how they talk, listen, and what they’re willing to due is minimal, because (1) he does not care and (2) he is not your mans.
BUT what makes this type of casual sex so great is that you are friends, so you can talk about something other than the weather for the day.
If you start feeling some type of way, come clean about the situation. As my mother always said: there’s a fifty fifty chance it will work out in your favor… (and fifty chance that it’ll go all wrong but that’s beside the point.) “Don’t pull a Michael Jordan and just fade away. Leave the situation gracefully and respectfully, or get left humbly and patiently. No one likes a bad breakup, especially if there was no relationship to start.”
Regardless, make sure that you’re having the best sex possible, placing your pleasure as a priority. EVERYBODY needs to leave satisfied, so be open to speak your mind on what you want and just how you want it. Most importantly practice safe sex, because the last thing you want is a child with someone you have absolutely no interest in.
Sex can be intense, but as long as you isolate those amazing moments of intensity, your friendship can remain.