Imagine sex with no communication. No sounds. No reactions. No nothing.
The only way to to truly decipher whether your partner is satisfied or not would be by the presence of orgasms. According to Cosmo’s Female Orgasm Survey, women experience orgasms 57% of the time at best (1/4 of the time being from intercourse alone). Aside from your own sensation, hearing your partner moan, watching their toes curl, observing their facial expressions change, or even feeling the sudden grasps of their hands on your body are some of the best parts of sex. It’s like getting that confirmation email, affirming that everything you’re doing is being done in an excellent manner.
Without proper vocalization, the question of whether your partner is truly satisfied simply lingers in the air, causing personal doubts and nervousness towards the act itself. Open communication between partners about what you want, like, dislike or must have are critical for sexual success. It’s the easiest way to get what you want, show appreciation, and fulfill your partners needs.
Getting What You Want
You don’t want to make any demands from the get go, because it can appear as if he has no say in the sexual partnership. So first let him get into the the groove. Give him the opportunity to please you, however he sees fit. From there, you can help him more effectively provide pleasure by communicating what you really want. This can range from whispering directions in his ear to moving his hand just a tad bit over.
“It’s not that we don’t know what we’re doing. We just want a little direction, to make sure we’re not f***ing up.”
Much appreciated dialogue:
- “Do more of that”
- “Right there”
- “Do it like that”
- “Softer, harder, slower, or faster”
Showing Appreciation
There’s nothing hotter than telling someone what you want, and them doing exactly that. So the moment they do what you ask, make sure you take the time and show some appreciation. Men are very performance driven, so letting him know he’s on the path to success is key. They want to be able to tell their boys they were in that guy and actually made you feel some type of way. Profanity and name calling are a given, but sometimes yelling “daddy” just isn’t the move depending on the situation. Therefore, other forms of expression are just as acceptable.
- “Oh yeah”
- “That’s it right there.”
- “Don’t stop.”
- “Oh my gosh.”
- “Awhh shit.”
- “Fuck yes.”
- “Mhm baby.”
Respond to his actions with your words, your hands, or even your mouth. For those who have no problem being vocal, there’s another trick that seems to take sex to another level:
GAS TF OUT OF HIM. “You’re so hard..” “You’re so big…” “I’m so wet…” Providing this positive feedback not only enhances your partners self-esteem, but enhances their drive to perform to the best of their abilities.
If you’re having trouble getting those sentences out, non-verbal cues can be just as effective. You’re having funnnnnn. Show your enthusiasm. Make some noise! Moan a little bit. Stop what you’re doing, look up at him, and talk. Grab his hair when he’s doing it right. Scratch his chest. Stroke his back. Grasp his butt.
Fulfilling Your Partner (your turn!)
- “you like this?”
- “tell me what you want me to do.”
- “does this feel good?”
- “this or harder?”
Be confident in your sexual skills, but also note that everyone is different. Some like it rough, while others like it gentle. Reflective listening is essential, especially if you’re with someone who isn’t comfortable communicating what they really want.
Lastly, when communicating remove all personal judgements. Let’s say you ask him what he wants and he expresses something real odd. Maybe he wants his earlobe licked, toes sucked, or tells you to grab the barbecue sauce… don’t make your partner feel odd or ashamed, but feel free to politely decline.
Communication is a simple way to boost your sex life. Remind him why you’re there! Turning you on turns them on. So whether it’s moaning out loud, or playing red light/green light…find a way to express all the lovely feelings you have inside.
BETWEEN THE SHEETS 