“Guys normally know exactly what to do to have me right. Whether it’s the neck kissing, ass grabbing or seductive words. Problem is… if I have my mind made up that I’m not having sex, the chance of me folding is pretty slim. What makes it bad is that I’m gonna get everything I possibly can out of the experience. It’s not fun to not do anything. It’s really selfish actually, because we’ll want all the good stuff, without providing what they really want.”
Teasing when utilized correctly can create enormous sexual tension. That’s the whole point of being a tease. It’s the same as flirting. You’re throwing out hints. Setting him up. Giving him permission to proceed without caution. Cause you’re with him 100%. But when you tease you establish the possibility of sex, and then withdrawal the perceived invitation you just handed out.
It’s like someone saying, “I got a secret… but I can’t tell anyone.” Your first thought is, “Well why the hell did you bring it up?”
Teasing happens often while people are talking or during the “interpersonal dance that precedes sex.” This is the prime time for indirect and ambiguous conversation. Y’all know how it is in the beginning, especially with the late night texting and casual flirting. Everyone’s insinuating what’s to come without guaranteeing a particular result, so the reality of whether one’s really down is debatable. It’s a normal part of American courtship, to throw some bait and let it dangle.
However one gender seems to more often than not take it a little too far (or could you say not far enough 😉). Ladies have a tendency to uhhhh…talk big game and then not come through.
*acts like a nasty freak hoe in da text messages*
*he pulls his dick out in person*
“I can literally do everything up until sex and be good. We can have amazing foreplay. I could give you head. You can eat me out. It can be the perfect set up and me still shut your shit down. Which understandably has guys shook, because I gave them the okay essentially from the get-go.”
Girls can be so extremely fake when you think about it.
Everyone knows that before you go over to chill with a guy, you take a nice shower, pull out the razor, brush your teeth and gargle some mouthwash. You’ll respond to his 12:07 “you up?” text and even come through knowing damn well what kind of set up it is. Suddenly a bra isn’t necessary and you casually throw on your favorite lace thong, smelling like lavender and coconut oil.
Teasing is truly a wonderful thing, from the body language, suggestive smiling, and the look in one’s eyes to the playful giggling, casual touching and seductive word play.
“The best part of teasing is the anticipation. Guys get aroused by the thought of sex during foreplay. The mind is more powerful than the body, so our expectations can go through the roof when someone is turning us on.”
“Guys tease in public… they like to touch your leg or grab your waist and whisper in your ear. And here you are thinking in your mind: I WILL FUCK YOU. STOP PLAYING.”
“The worst part of teasing is also the anticipation. Not only can it make us bust fast, but if the girl isn’t with the shits anymore…blue balls is a bitch.”
Psychology Today explains how teasing is often a person’s way to affirm or reaffirm their partners interest for them, and this goes for both males and females. Teasing requires attention from the other subject, and it can serve as verification of one’s attractiveness and assurance that they’re still in fact desirable. Ladies want to feel in control, as if they’re handling all the power, while men often just want to see how far they can get. Difference is, men are often not limited to what all they’ll do.
“Girls normally decide before they even go over whether or not they’re having sex with you. They may not be thinking it’s happening tonight… but they’ve definitely considered whether or not having sex is an option. ”
However, let’s not assume all ladies are conceited, petty, and purposely flirting to use later for deception.
For a lot of women… it simply turns them on. They’re not trying to play unfair, but they somehow can’t resist the temptation to entice the other person. And once you start, your hormones just fuel the energy to keep it a-going. Sometimes they don’t want to have sex right away, because it can change their partners whole perception of them. If she doesn’t do anything, she’s a prude. If she’s does, she’s easy. So teasing gives someone a little wiggle room for sexual engagement and it signals that it’s possible, just not at the very moment.
Psychologically — and even morally, the whole concept of teasing can be pretty negative, but that’s not always the case. Communication is what prevents it from seeming like you’re making a complete 180.
Know each others sexual intentions.
ACTUALLY DISCUSS ahead of time, before you’re on top of each other in the sheets what everyones limitations include. If you are firm in your stance that sex is a no-no, it’ll make more sense when things suddenly come to a cease. Then from there, proceed accordingly:
“I normally tell my guys ahead of time, ‘I’m a big tease. You’ll probably think you’re getting somewhere, but I’m dead not having sex with you.’ And I give them the option of whether they want to even start, because they’re probably gonna be salty when we finish. That way they don’t really have a choice to get mad… cause they chose that option for themselves.”
This type of communication allows for proper understanding going into sexual activity of what is and what is not about to happen. Regardless, both partners need to show control and stick to their guns. As a lady, it’s not right to push all the right buttons and then not expect him to react. If you’re smart you’ll establish a system of do’s and don’t to prevent extremely intense situations.
“Look I understand if you don’t want to have sex, I just wish you wouldn’t touch me and turn me on if you have no intention of going anywhere.”
Gals: You might have to be passive. You might not be able to kiss him in the spot behind his neck that suddenly has him ready to blow your back out. This is fair. Don’t be insensitive. He has a right to be outraged. It’s false advertising and immature. It’s called compromise and that’s what you do in relationships, even sexual ones.
For the males who find themselves in this situation: Don’t be too quick to take her laughs and smiles as an indicator she’s trying to smash. Take a look to see if you could have possibly misread some signals. Now if you’re like nahhhhh, she genuinely lead me on and I feel as if I’ve been hoe’d, a little whine or attitude is acceptable. Some people need to be told about themselves. There’s nothing wrong with respectively expressing your frustrations, but pressing her to do what she doesn’t want to do is not an option. Don’t yell or make her feel guilty, because that’s emotionally manipulating her to get what you want. That’s you being a dick. And for ladies that find themselves in that situation… never fold. You’ll only feel like shit. It won’t be fun and you’ll end up lonelier than before. If you’re with him and then you genuinely change your mind because you don’t feel ready, don’t do it. Make your own decisions and be confident in them.
However, if you truly don’t know what you want…work to prevent the situation until you do, because implying sexual intercourse is on it’s way ansd then not following through only provides confusion, frustration, and possibly embarrassment. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. That’s like a male spitting all this game about how good he can lay the wood, just for you to find out his stroke game weak. Don’t do it.
So wait? You’re telling me to not lavish up before I go see my mans? To not present myself as a desirable chocolate drop whose insides can feed the soul?
GIRL NO! Take that shower. Apply that body glitter. Shave if ya want to. Cause we all know he’s going to try something… but don’t press your booty out and swirl it around his dick, if you’re only trying to cuddle. Be sincere with all your intentions. If you want to take it there, don’t try and get him to make the first move. He’ll be more turned 0n that you’re taking authority anyways.
French-writing Swiss author Madame de Staël wrote, “The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.”
It’s extremely rare nowadays that two people are going to get together and say, “let’s just do this.” So even if the communication isn’t that clear, make sure there’s a mutual understanding of what all can go down between you and your partner.
Try and eliminate the mistaken belief that he’s about to get some ass…when you know he’s not.
(and don’t be surprised when he asks for some head.)
Sources:
male and female specimens
BETWEEN THE SHEETS 