To all the girls/gals who helped me with this article thanks for answering my extremely awkward questions. you’re the best and I love y’all 💞 everybody else — brace yourself lmao.

When you start messing with the backdoor you’ve entered the major leagues. Some people are for it, because it’s fun, spicy, and adventurous. While others… not so much. Whether you’ve had your fair share of stories or never considered it in your life, you’re here, so you obviously want to know something.

“Part of the thrill is disobeying your fundamental physiology. Butt sex is fun for the same reason it’s fun to piss off a teacher or take a piss on a cop car, or burn down a church — except, get this, the only authority that you’re rebelling against is yourself.”

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Let’s start by saying this:
  1. Anal says nothing about your sexual orientation. Anything related to da booty is often frowned upon, especially in the straight male black community. Y’all saw that episode of Being Mary Jane, where he asks her to finger his butt and she starts questioning his sexuality. Questions like, “how did you learn this? why do you know how this feels? and who taught you this?” immediately arise. Remember that sex should be judgement free. If you really want to know these questions, have some open dialogue before you enter the bedroom.
  2. It’s not for everyone. Don’t fall into peer pressure. You don’t HAVE to be open to it.
  3. Just like vaginal sex, it takes some practice. You pretty much have to train your anus, so repetition is key. Expect some awko-ness before the pleasure.
When I asked my colleagues how they felt about anal and more specifically why it’s so taboo, the answers were all pretty similar.

“It’s not pussy…It’s your butt…” 

This is your anal canal.

The anal sphincter muscle is wholly responsible for keeping your hole tight. It’s not like your bicep or hamstring that can quickly relax and contract. The only way for these two rings (internal and external) to loosen up is to stick something up there. Once you get past that, you enter the rectum and above that you’ve got intestines.

Guys normally enjoy anal because of the super tight stimulation, while ladies can discover an entirely new orgasm from the backside. The penis reaches the G-spot from a different angle, tapping nerve endings from behind the vaginal wall. So if vaginal sex isn’t doing it for ya, this could be the move. You could literally be shitting cum.

According to the Journal of Sexual Medicine, a 2015 study revealed that over a third of all female respondents had participated in anal sex. Many of the girls I asked had stories similar to this:

“One day we’re having sex and he just misses. His dick pokes my ass hole and it was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced.”

“When niggas accidentally miss the vagina and hit the ass, girls don’t usually have a pleasant reaction.”

However not all experiences are the same…

It was my first time having sex. Second or third round, but still my first experience. He sticks it in and I’m immediately thinking something’s off, but I was a virgin thirty minutes prior, so I just go with the flow. It’s not hurting, but it’s… different and after idk 30-seconds or so, the lightbulb goes off.

  • ME: “Yo, I’m pretty sure that’s my ass…”
  • HIM: “Your ass? Oh shit it is.”

We were high, let’s throw that out there. We kinda stare at each other awkwardly –as his dick is still inside of me.

  • HIM: “Does this not hurt?”
  • ME: “No… it doesn’t.”
  • HIM: “Wait… have you had anal before…?”

So now I’m salty bc he just asked the stupidest question, knowing he’s my first and his dick is still inside me. He’s all “well do you wanna do it” and after thinking about it for a sec, I decide that’s a no. He pulls out. We replace the condom and proceed  with regular sex like shit never happened. I told my friends and they were like wtf is wrong with you. Apparently, I have a loose booty.

For most, once you’ve experienced anal pain, you take precautions to never relive it again.

“If your shit touches, grazes, slips, taps, or any other verb you wanna use for gettin’ near my asshole, then I might happen to remove, snip, sever, make absent, or dismantle your penis. I sound crazy, but that’s one thing I’m not bout.”

HOWEVER that ONLY refers to the actual penis. Stimulation of the anus orally or manually (by hand) is a whole different story and many sources say they have yet to get a bad reaction.


Kevin Gates describes his unmatchable dick game to actually include the sucking of titties while simultaneously keeping a finger in the booty. Whereas Future (according to Rap Genius), “ignores the well-being of shorties and treats them like bowling balls.”

The quality of insertion normally correlates with the reaction of the individual.

The #1 rule of anything related to the booty is do it with care. Some therapists recommend anal after she’s already climaxed. No matter when you do it, make sure you put in TIME and EFFORT so she’s completely TURNED ON. The sphincter mx is constantly in contraction, but with the right foreplay one can slightly relax the muscle. (Erogenous zones are your friend). CAUTIOUSLY start by pushing a little bit of one’s finger into the anus. Hold it there for about 60 seconds before pulling out and moving forward, more and more with 1-minute intervals between each advancement.

When you’ve hit about an inch deep, you’re now grazing the other side of the sphincter muscle, known as a major layer of resistance. Minimize pain. Slow and gentle. Caution and care. Once you pass this little booger, it should start feeling less and less tight. Gradually penetrate before slowly extracting. NIGGA YOU MADE IT!


“I’m riding this guy where he has a full view of my ass bouncing. To be honest I wasn’t paying him much attention, cause I was really close to climaxing, so I was tryna stay focused and keep it up. I’m going up and down and suddenly I feel like a plug or something in my butt. I hit him with the sexy look back and discover it was his thumb. I ain’t have no complaints and ever since that day when we smash…he knows what to do.”

“We had already jokingly talked about thumbs in the ass before, so he knew it was something I was down for. But basically, he had been fingering me for a while and I don’t know if he thought I was asking or something, cause I rolled over to my side, like naturally not with any purpose or anything and he did it. A little spit on the thumb and bam. It was crazy feeling both fingers hitting the same area from different places. Honestly, it felt amazing.”

Including some form of manual stimulation during vaginal foreplay or intercourse can provide an excellent feeling on something besides her vagina. If she’s approaching her climax, it’s an especially good time to start probing around. Next time she’s riding, you’re giving backshots, or there’s some preliminary fingering, keep a hand free for exploration.


“I don’t eat booty anymore, because girls will use it against you. You’ll dead be in an argument and they come out yelling, ‘HOW MY ASS TASTE?”

Rimming is slang for the technical term “analingus/anilingus,” which was formally coined in Richard von Krafft-Ebing’s 1886 book, Psychopathia Sexualis. All it means is you’re licking the area around your partners anus. It can be a little ticklish at first, but essentially it’s known for relaxation and increased stimulation. Who doesn’t enjoy a little warm and wet tingle?

“I usually inform the girl I’m gonna do it when we’re texting so I don’t completely surprise her. I make her arch her back like I’m about to go doggy-style. Start eating her vagina first, then get to the boootaaayy.”

This type of anal play is not as common as the thumb, because now we’re talking about someone putting their mouth down below. For some, getting a pair of lips near their vag is a challenge enough, so getting someone to lick they ass seems completely unattainable. However ladies, some sources are more than willing to take it to that level (and consider it a rather normal practice).

Rimming is pretty simple. Think of it as an extension of cunnilingus. You can start from the vag or extremely sensitive perineum. First, kiss everywhere (thighs, crack, lower back, buttocks). Then work your way to the anus by circling your tongue around the outer area. Remember, do it with care! Tongue pressure is something folks often have difficulty understanding when it comes to sex. Nothing too heavy. Lay it flat to flick, trace, and rub. You can even hover above it and gently breathe. Possibly all while fingering her🤔…..OOOUUUUU

“The best reaction I got is when I ate this girl ass in my car and she didn’t necessarily squirt, but a larger amount of vaginal secretions started dripping down her leg.”

Kevin Gates (obviously a booty man) gave an interview to Revolt TV stating that “Real niggas eat booty! Real niggas please they bitches!”


“The openness of black male celebs talking about their love of tossing salad is refreshing, however, it is important to note that all of this talk of eating booty has been decidedly one-sided—”real niggas” eat booty, but do “real niggas” get their booties eaten?”

There are no statistics. We don’t know who. How many. Anything. Excluding Kanye West. He’s obviously down. And Trick Daddy (the guy who made Let’s Go w/Twista & Lil’ Jon).

Point is, butt play for males is real. The male “g-spot,” known as the prostate or “p-spot” is a walnut-sized gland that has the potential to lead to “mind-blowing, leg-shaking, eye-rolling, neighbour-panicking pleasure,” according to the Telegraph.

Anal sex is often considered a strictly homosexual activity, despite it’s enjoyment from  heterosexual couples as well. Inclusion of something as simple as a prostate massage could turn things up a notch. One doesn’t have to flip him around and go for the thumb or even start rimming to hit this spot. The perineum is easy to find. Use it to your advantage. Ladies, incorporate some licking/massaging during fellatio.


“It’s not weird. I’ll do it with the right person, but I guess it’s something people don’t do ‘cause it’s where shit comes out of.”

“I have yet to find a girl interested in it and then there’s the whole possibility of her pooping. Like I heard… you gotta wait like 4 hours after you eat in order to have anal sex.”

Lesbehonest here. Sex isn’t the usual purpose of this particular part of the body. Hence, a little bit of cleaning needs to be done beforehand. With the right precautions, all worries should cease. Really all ya need is a recent bowel movement, soap and water.

12 hours preceding anal sex, you want to make sure you watch your diet. In the big scheme of things it’s not a big deal, but I’m guessing you want to eliminate the chances of poop coming out your ass, therefore this advice is strongly advised. Anything that gets ya going needs to be eliminated.

Coffee. Mexican Food. Indian. Nuts. Excess Alcohol. Certain Veggies. Certain Fruit. Beans.  If you’re lactose intolerant… don’t even think about it. You want regular, kind, brief bowel movements. Not nothing extra. If it’s been a little messy recently, the time is not now. Don’t embarrass yourself.

Take a warm shower and wash up. Clean the outside of your hole with a teeny tiny bit of soap and water. You can anally douche, but honestly it’s not necessary if you shower post-poop. Don’t try to be extra and spray some perfume or deodorant. Your vagina will never taste like fruit and your bum will never smell like roses.

“If there’s a smell or excess hair… won’t do it.”

Males tend to appreciate a more shaved everything, despite commonly having their own untamed wildebeest. Hairs in this area (like all below the waistline) are used to trap bacteria, decrease the spread of infections and reduce friction. Hygienically shaving won’t benefit you, but if you don’t mind spreading your legs a little extra, shaving up there will make things more aesthetically pleasing.


This is not porn. I repeat. THIS IS NOT PORN. Do not go in and start pounding like this is “Ass Destruction for Hot Slutty Amateur Babe” or some shit. This is real life.


Getting the tip in hurts the most, because the head of the penis is the widest part. Once you’re past that and up to the shaft, it should feel a little better. Key word: should. Sometimes ya jawbreaker is just too big for it to feel good. Therefore, take that as compliment and move on to something more soothing. Anal is for sensations. Not for you to feel inside your intestines.

When a man’s penis is incredibly long or going incredibly deep, you might feel that he’s hitting your cervix. For anal sex, there is an anatomical equivalent. “In theory, you can continue going up the intestine the higher up you go,” says sex therapist, Dr. Van Kirk.

“Not gonna lie if I accidentally put it in a girls butt and she told me to keep going, I wouldn’t know what to do.”

Go in past that point of resistance, about two inches. Then stop and wait. Give her a minute to adjust. This process takes patience. Advance until you’re fully inside. Then slowly (with care my friends) develop some rhythm. Deep strokes don’t often work in anal sex, so stay small, but keep it powerful. It can be uncomfortable (for her), even if done slowly and gently. When the deed’s complete, pull out as SLOWLY as possible. Whipping your dick out could easily ruin the entire experience. Discomfort is cool. Pain not so much. If it feels painful, tell him to stop and demand a booty massage.

Common Misconception: “Your asshole’s gonna enlarge messing with the wrong dude.” It’s a muscle guys … a very strong muscle 😐

 Which position should you approach as a beginner?

TBH IDK. Research shows that lying flat on your stomach, doggy-style and missionary are all valid options (ordered from least to most painful). However, other sources encourage cowgirl as the perfect way to lose your anal virginity, providing ultimate control to the girl on top. Whether it’s spooning sex or a lap dances, make sure it allows easy access.


THE TWO OF YOU GUYS HAVE GOT TO COMMUNICATE. You need to be comfortable telling him to slow down, continue forward, or stop altogether. If he’s not too fond of directions… experimenting might not be for the best. All of these are great:

  • “I need more time to relax around your penis.”
  • “Your penis was a bit too big for my first time, so it felt quite painful.”
  • “Next time, you gotta let me do the work, cause your rhythm was too much for me.”
LUBE (most important paragraph of this article):

Black people are not big on lube. Guys are not big on lube. The only reason a girl is big on lube is if she has some vaginal issues herself. I get it, but if you’re having anal sex without lube, YOU’RE WILD. Booty holes are not vaginas. They don’t get wet. They don’t do anything. But clinch. So slap some lube on it, please. Spit, lotion, precum, vaseline, something. It’s pretty much always necessary.

**Please avoid all of the suggestions listed above. Spit doesn't last long. Lotion may work for your individual endeavors, but nah son. Precum... I'm not even going there. Vaseline is actually a common lubricant, but it decreases male sensations. Way too thick.

“My girlfriend and I mistakenly thought spit would suffice as lube. It did not. Once it was in she was in so much pain that even trying to get it out was excruciating for her, so I had to take the hand lotion she kept by the bed and dump it all over my dick and her ass to make it slippery enough to be at least bearable to get it out.”

For anal sex in particular, silicone based lube is your best bet. It doesn’t break down condoms and last relatively long, while still feeling silky and smooth. It can be kinda hard to wash out of clothes, but an extra cycle sounds a lot better than something stuck up there. Too much > not enough.

SAFETY (jk this the most important part):

I don’t feel the need to express how much bacteria can live inside someone’s booty hole. Everything contains bacteria, but we’re talking about the very place where…… you get my point. Condoms are absolutely necessary when participating in anal.

Obviously it would be a reach for you to get pregnant, but hey semen is still near your vagina. Them shits can swim. More importantly, the risk of HIV transmission skyrockets when you’re unprotected, in addition to the chance of STD’s and infections.

If you switch from anal to vaginal/oral, don’t ever use the same condom. Cause now you’re moving stuff around. Condoms actually help with anal, reducing friction and providing for a smoother entry during intercourse. This goes for rimming also, make sure you start at the vag/clit then move towards the anus. Never the other way around.

If y’all don’t use condoms (smh), because you’re both monogamous and aware each others recent status, take serious safety measures. Clean yourselves between each act. For example, if you switch from anal to fellatio, make sure to clean his penis to prevent transmission of any fecal matter. If you use your fingers, make sure they’re clean and that all fingernails are trimmed.


All that blood flow and activity up there helps you clear some things out. Which isn’t a bad thing. Poop is healthy. But poop while you’re having sex is obviously…not as great. It shouldn’t happen. Hopefully.

The hygiene factor is one of the biggest reasons people tend to shy away from anal sex. Your penis mayyyyyyy come into contact with traces of fecal matter, but hey you’re in someone’s butt. Waste is held pretty high up in the lower intestines, so if you get anything, it’s nothing but remnants. And if she actually wipes and took a shower as advised, there should be no remnants left.

“If she’s had a bowel movement already on the day you have your first anal adventure, there will likely be very little fecal matter to encounter,” says staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, Carol Queen.

If it turns out she didn’t wipe good and take a shower………wash your hands and pretend like it never happened.


You’re probably not gonna poop. But it may feel like you’re pooping (don’t worry, it’s cum).

Your next bowel movement is probably going to feel like it’s sliding right out of your butt. If your partner ejaculated into your anus, it will feel even slipperier (and may look a little strange too). Farts can also feel different traveling down your lubed-up butthole. Don’t fret if you find a tiny bit of blood in your stool; anal tissues are susceptible to small tears. But if you have a lot of blood, or ongoing pain, give your doctor a call.

A lot can happen after anal, but a lot can happen after vaginal also. Don’t be too alarmed. Pee after sex to avoid UTI’s and be prepared for a little blood on the tissue accompanied by butt queefs. And soreness. Lots of soreness. Guys, you can also fracture your penis if you hit and miss the anus too hard.


“When I show how freaky I can get, it let’s them get freakier as well and establishes comfortability.”

When it comes to anal, it’s a crazy world out there. Butt plugs, anal beads, lube launchers… it can get intense. Strive to keep it simple. When you find someone you’re comfortable with, take the opportunity to discover more of yourself.

This might be something to try after a glass of wine or a nice match. In fact, there’s a whole sexual health and wellness company (Foria) that makes cannabis-infused sexual lubricants (Foria Pleasure) for women to help enhance sensations and induce longer, stronger, and even multiple orgasms.

Therefore in the words of one of my male specimens,

“Stop bitching and do the damn thing. If you’re curious, do it. If you’re not, then leave it alone.”


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