Sex is extremely personal, commonly known as the closest a man and woman can get. It’s a unique privilege and whether you believe it or not, that person now has a part of you. That’s why you can’t have sex and look at that person the same. They’ve seen it all. You’ve LITERALLY been inside of each other.
When people typically discuss body insecurities, it normally revolves around overweight women. It’s always about the girl with the stomach bulge, or thighs who rub against each other. The basic, typical things we’re supposed to be self conscious about, but I want to discuss the true reality of how humans feel about themselves, and how it can affect one’s sex life.
I once talked to a guy and I can still remember the night my small boob insecurity surfaced. I didn’t say anything, but I guess he put the pieces together and addressed it like this, “Do you think I’m gonna leave you for some bad b**ch, with big titties and a fat ass or sumthn?” And I know this sounds far from romantic, but in some weird way it was. Because when I responded back with a “yeah…I guess…I don’t know!” He reassured me with “please relax, you a baddie, that’s why i’m here, ya acting crazy, i ain’t got time for this, you’re beautiful, i know you know this, chill girl.”
Breasts, Chest, Booties, Thickness, Feet, Stomach, Dick Size, Edges. We freak out about everything. Whether it’s big or small. Too much or not enough. Normal or abnormal. I did a whole project on body insecurities, so I kinda gotta good grasp on the concept. It’s a self thing … and sex requires one to be fully exposed … I get it. However, I’m gon’ take y’all back to a classic 6th grade proverb: Confidence is key!
“There’s really no reason to be embarrassed about anything… Most of the time I peep size and body shape prior to the moment so it’s never that surprising. Once we’re fucking or whatever I’m not really thinking about it.”
When you are having sex, it is not the time to be nervous or insecure or worried about others… it is actually the time to be worried about yourself. That roll, disproportional titty, saggy ballsack, or unique birthmark on your right butt cheek is not what your partner is thinking during intercourse. They’re thinking 🗣 DAMN THIS SHIT IS GOOD 🗣 I’VE BEEN WAITING WEEKS FOR THIS 🗣 WHY DIDN’T I LET HIM HIT SOONER🗣 STAY FOCUSED 🗣 DO. NOT. CUM.
NUDITY.
When a woman first sees a man naked, she’s looking at those undisclosed areas: the cheeks, the vertical lines, tattoos, the size (and erection) of the D. According to Psychologist Jill Weber, PH.D, “Women are better at taking in detail than men. She’s more likely to notice that mole on your back, tan lines, and your knees.” Things like how much of your pube hair is gonna tickle her nose while she’s sucking you off is important to her.
When a man first sees a woman naked… “our brain goes on lockdown, almost, like by the flip of a switch, and the loins take over.” He’s trying to act cool as if blood isn’t rushing south and telling him to attack. He’s also taking a thousand mental images to be stored long term for when he needs to jerk off. Essentially, he’s mesmerized to a point that suddenly a twenty minute slot just opened in his schedule for y’all to get down and dirty, even if that means quietly while your roommates sleep.
“With our crotch now in full control, all we want at this point is to have sex with you, there and then. Should we, by any chance, notice anything at all, then it will only be those things that fuel the very fire of our sexual desire — your breasts, the texture of your skin, your hips — damn!”
Weber explains how, “women are less aroused by a naked male body than they are by depictions of actual sex activity.” That’s why we stare at dick pics like what am I supposed to do with this. Men however, notice shapes, scents, and hair. More importantly, they notice when you’re uncomfortable (whether they care or not — lol). You can’t have the best sexual experience moving around awkwardly, trying to hide, covering your chest or stomach and neither can your partner.
“You want to know the quickest way to turn a hard dick limp? Lack self-confidence. If you want to turn a man off, don’t be comfortable in your own skin. You don’t have to be perfect, but you have to be fearless in the bedroom to please your partner.”
I’M GONNA MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO DUB EVERY POSSIBLE INSECURITY YOU CAN HAVE:
FOR HER —
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- Vaginas: Destroy the idea that there are normal ones. Because there are not. Long as you have some lips, a clitoris, a vagina and some other things lol you good shawty pimp. Genitalia have some of the lowest sex appeal to men, so if he calls your pussy pretty it’s only cause he knows it’s a wet cave to dive into not because of its physical attributes.
- HIPS & THIGHS: “Guys love saying they want a thick girl, but I always worry if they really know what that entails. Me naked is different than me wearing a bodycon on the gram.” Cellulite is a female secondary sex characteristic that has to do with the way our bodies network fat. These (delightful) lumps are created as a mesh network to support fat. Soooooo… there should be no complaints.
- BREASTS: Niggas will love titties from adolescence til death, whether they’re big/small/saggy/pointy/high/low/whatever. Do they have preferences, yes. Do their preferences really matter, no.
- THE CHEEKS: To be bootylicious– a dream I think most, if not all women have. The beauty of the booty however is that men like them in different shapes and sizes. Some like the slim tight fit, some want the stripper booty, others cherish the baby buns. They come in a variety of shapes and sizes, all of which deserve to be loved.
FOR HIM —
- FEET: “I had this guy who would be completely naked, but always wear socks. So one time we’re in this crazy position and somehow his foot ends up near my head. I turn around in the middle of everything, barely breathing, and moan ‘you have some really nice socks.’ Turns out he was insecure about his feet and it wasn’t until later down the road he started taking his socks off.” For most women, feet have zero sexual appeal. Now should they be crusty and scratching up her legs, no, but it’s truly nothing to worry about.
- DICK SIZE: The PeePee can look a multitude of different ways, including a few abnormalities. However, as many of you know, it’s not always about looks… it’s about getting the job done. Maybe it’s got a strong curve too it, or it’s super skinny. Sometimes they can be oddly short, but thick. Sometimes they can just be small or too hefty. “Sometimes I actually feel bad, because it’s like my dick is too big. Like it’ll physically hurt girls or they’ll say it doesn’t hurt, but have this face of serious pain and it just sucks.” Having confidence within yourself, eliminates all of her personal doubts. If you’re okay with it, she will be too.
- STOMACH: For both ladies and men, the stomach can be a tricky one because of its more apparent physical attributes. In certain positions, you just see it and you don’t want to feel like you’re crushing your partner. Here’s the thing — your body is your body and when someone decides to participate in intercourse, they’re asking for you to give all of yourself. Which includes your stomach. They’re not expecting it to disappear. Be Cool.
SHOW LOVE (EVEN IF YOU DON’T LOVE THEM)
WHEN SHE’S UNCOMFORTABLE —
It’s like the dressing room altercation: when she comes out with a dress that isn’t exactly flattering, you don’t tell her straight up, do not purchase that, you tell her baby, whatever you want will work for me. You look good regardless — or simply avoid the dressing room.
Sex Nerd, Emily Nagasaki says, “On the whole, women don’t love to be naked. The second her clothes come off she feels vulnerable and sensitive. When she undresses, tell her what you love about her body. And if she tries to turn the lights off, turn them back on to show her she has nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“I didn’t want to deal with rejection of [those] things so I would just have sex with the lights off. Some would ask questions like why and I’d be like cause that’s how I like it, or something along those lines.”
SZA already told y’all what to do: “Lie to me and say my booty gettin’ bigger even if it ain’t.” Touch the booty. Slap the booty. Let the booty know it’s special, even if it’s little. Turn that booty rub into a vagina rub, and get shit popping. Provide some comfort and attention towards those parts that you sense she’s nervous about. Ya knowww, let her know she’s a baddie.
“I got to a point where it didn’t really matter what they thought about it because I thought I was sexy as hell and so I operated as such and I think that translates. All in all you/we/I are doing them a favor by even having sex with them so there really aren’t criteria to what they can and cannot like.”
AND LADIES, WHEN HE’S UNCOMFORTABLE —
LET YOUR KING KNOW HE IS LOVED. YOU BETTER KISS THAT BELLY. KISS THEM SCRAWNY ARMS. MOVE A LITTLE TO THE LEFT SO THAT CROOKED DICK CAN SLIDE INSIDE LIKE ITS NOTHING. THEY WANT NEED TO BE GASSED JUST LIKE US LADIES.
On the bright side, men do have a little more of the advantage because, “women are more attracted to faces behind the body, than the body itself.”
Point is. Everyone can have preferences. That is definitely allowed in a world with so many options, but knowing your worth amongst choices is important. There isn’t really a normal. People are different. What is preferred by some can be undesired by others. You are great! Keep the lights on and be fearless. Get on top and not give a damn. Provide shawty with that superior dick. Attach a nude to a good morning text or better yet…
“Stop being pussy and send your nudes with the fireworks effect.”
SOURCES:
BETWEEN THE SHEETS 