THAT HORNY SHIT TRASH

It’s the summer, i’ve got a bomb ass internship in Manhattan, bundles for the first time, and a complete 🗣SECURE THE BAG BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY mindset. It’s typical for me to keep distance from penis-carriers in the summer, because I focus a lot on re-centering. But after going on a first date with this guy from Brooklyn who took me to the trap house before dinner, I figured I’d listen to my friends and stay away from NY men.

Now this previous school year, I was having sex like never before. I had what I like to call “fake mans.” My friends would flame me if I degraded them to fwb, but I wouldn’t dare say it was close to a relationship. It was a rather solid situationship. What’s important to note is that I was having sex pretty often. Now I lost my V-card in 2016, so I’ve mastered the art of holding out, but the summer comes around and me (and my vagina) are like damn… no dick.

Masturdating (to give oneself attention in different aspects) was one of my main goals for 2017 and that included sexually via masturbation, which I had yet to do. So I’m like okay Mani… it’s time.

Now if you truly know me, you know I’m a fan of the female body. I have a painting of booty cheeks on my wall, so I’m all for the bod. But I am NOT big on vaginas. I’ve never been one to really experiment with them, despite living in the Quad where… lmao. In addition, I never really touched my own other than sticking a tampon up there and doing the basic cleaning. Tasting my own Mac and cheese just never seemed like the move. 

So I sat on my futon, trying to figure out how to even start. I’m in some lace, feeling myself, trying to turn myself on, which was awkwardly and unfortunately not working. I hop on Tumblr for porn and start getting jealous of shorty in the videos, wishing my “fake mans” was in New York so this could all be settled with some backshots. Next thing you know I’m reminiscing and there’s a little trickle downstairs. I’ve now progressed to grinding a pillow and clapping my ass because what girl doesn’t like twerking in her underwear? I hear the squishy noises, so I’m like AYEEE WE LIT, but I start getting uncomfortable again because — ugh. vaginas. 

Turns out vaginas are warm and wet and kinda cool. I can totally see why guys like their ding-a-ling enclosed by them. I’m having a good ole time, adding and removing fingers and shit. It was like discovery channel. Ten minutes later, i’m like alright. Is it over? Do I just stop? What’s going on? Being the doctor and patient is stressful, plus my hands tired, lmao. For some reason, at this moment, I start thinking about the lackluster head I’ve received in my life. When niggas are just down there doing anything. And I’m like damn. I’m doing that to myself. I’m playing myself.

So I’m like nah sis. We bout to orgasm today and I start strategically moving with a purpose. Now i’ve been in the pre-squirting predicament multiple times, but I always chicken out. This time however, I got the option to stop and think. Cause ya know when you’re with a partner, you can’t really stop and make thoughtful decisions. But I removed my fingers and really asked myself (yes, I’m dramatic I don’t care — this was a powerful moment) Imani… Do you want to do this? and do you know what I responded…

🗣FUCK IT MASK OFF

So I go back to it and not even thirty seconds later. BRUH. Y’all ain’t getting the details but know I’m in shock and I’m so immersed in this experience that I can’t really move to get a towel as the waterworks are happening. Now I told my friends this story and they were like “Nah I’ll pass.” Because rather than it sounding sexually liberating, with all the details it can sound like an intense mess. Which I cannot lie and say it’s wasn’t. But for lack of better words, it was hot.

Why have I told y’all this story. Because I’m trying to get more girls to touch their vaginas.

FUN FACT: I’ve been rubbing a pillow between my legs since I was like 12. Did I know that I was stimulating my clit and having mini orgasms, no. But I knew that shit felt amazing and would knock me out afterwards. Never told my parents, sister, or even my friends, because once google informed me I was masturbating, I knew it was something not to be discussed. 

“It honestly just happened. I was entering teen years and just wanted to explore my body….. when I was younger I would look at porn on the home computer and I didn’t know how to erase the history yet, but my mom never used it so I wasn’t worried. Then one day she typed in ‘p’ and it was over. 😂😂😂 It was just a really confusing day. It was SUPER awkward and then we went to Red Lobsters and never talked about it again.”

When my dad first found out I had a sex blog — he sent me a very long paragraph asking for explanations. I was super hesitant to even start this whole thing, because I didn’t want you guys to think I was a little thotty. Now nicknamed the “sex connoisseur” I’ve embraced sex as something I think is really cool. Author of Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape, Peggy Orenstein explains how American culture tells women that “they’re supposed to be sexy, [and] they’re supposed to perform sexuality for boys, but their sexual pleasure is unspoken.”

All throughout middle school, it’s a running joke between boys — whacking off, jerking off, southern comfort— the list goes on and on. It was not only considered funny, it was acceptable. At the same time, twelve-year-old me was being taught to wear a bra and cover up and be embarrassed about having my period. Biology, while being necessary, is never sufficient to explain human behavior. Our behavior is determined by a complex interaction between our biological heritage and cultural context.

We live in a culture that frames sex as a tool of pleasure for men and power for women. Female self-pleasure defies this dichotomy [of women needing a man to find real fulfillment in life and in sex.]” – Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D.

Medical daily breaks down attitudes towards masturbation from toddler years to adulthood, comparing both sexes. Did y’all know male fetuses begin masturbation even before birth. These niggas is playing with themselves in the womb. By age 15, almost 100 percent of boys have masturbated to the point of orgasm, compared to only 25 percent of girls. Most women over the age of 18 have masturbated at least once according to research, but few women do so routinely. 

If you’re like me the most you got about your body was that American Girl “The Care and Keeping of You” book and a conversation or two. Even more unfortunate —when genitals (not even masturbation) was discussed — it was portrayed as something not necessarily to resist, but not something that was encouraged either. I distinctly recall my 8th grade health teacher saying… “So don’t kiss boys, because you will get pregnant.”

This lack of dialogue, unfair social acceptance of masturbation between genders, and implemented “shame” for even being curious left us ladies a little behind in the whole proud female sexualization trend — and more negatively had us not touching our vaginas. 

All This Being Said — Touching yourself is GOOD. (Here’s why!)

What takes us women out the most? Heart disease. What can help lower that chance? Exercise. What counts as a healthy alternative, because it gets your blood flowing, increases blood pressure, your heart rate, and respiration? 😎 Self-stimulation. Now truthfully, the answer is orgasms. Not only do they help your heart, but they work out your pelvic floor, strengthening your whole uterine/vaginal muscle area, similarly to kegels. According to several studies, women who experience more orgasms are less susceptible to heart disease and type-2 diabetes. But Imani, can’t you orgasm with a partner?

(1) You’re horny and “niggas ain’t shit”/rosters empty/abstinent/dick currently unavailable. As my mother once told me, “once you start having sex, there’s pretty much no going back.” Women are funny in a sense that we want everything to go our way, but also dick on command. I’ve seen us completely go back on our word, ditch our friends advice, and stay in some pretty fucked up situations all for the D (or that fake feeling of love we get while receiving the D).

But sometimes, the 2AM “wyd” text goes unanswered, we decide to take some time for ourselves or we finally let that nigga go. That does not mean you have to let your sex life go as well. Just like with finances, you should be able to hold yaself down. 

(2) It can make sex better. Fast forward to uhhhhhh well not the summer lol. I’m explaining to a young man that I can make myself squirt and we end up making it happen together. I give him a play by play and he executes perfectly. I’m talking “okay slow it down,” “a little more to the left,” “add a finger,” “YES YES YES,” “FUCKKKKKKKK” in a matter of minutes. Sure there was puddle I desperately wanted to dry afterwards, but there was also lots of joy. I once talked about women not being good at sex and I realize the responsibility we give to men to make sex exceptional (though it’s not solely their job). In order to make sex exceptional for YOU, YOU have to know what works for you. Guys know their penises. Like exceptionally well. From the positions that calm them down to the very moment when they should pull out. Some of us deadass don’t even know what our vagina looks like. Masturbation allows you to develop an appreciation for your anatomy, while also finding out what feels best. Then when you throw a partner in there, you can easily direct him by pointing exactly where his tongue should be. Start masturbating yourself and then move his head to your finger so he has the right spot. See how everything is coming together!

I’m just going to say it plainly: Masturbation is important. I saved every sexual part of myself for marriage, which isn’t healthy or fair. Sexual exploration shouldn’t require the presence of someone else. I’m sad I missed out on it during my adolescence. It’s essential to figuring out who you are when you’re alone. Because when you’re alone, it’s about you and no one else. Have an understanding of your body, your wants, your desires, before adding someone else into the mix. Enter into a relationship feeling comfortable in your own sexuality instead of waiting for someone to figure it out for you.”

(3) You need some stress relief. Want to turn that frown upside down? Masturbating can give you that same natural high and after sex glo — because endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin, are still released even if it’s ya own two fingers. These chemicals will knock you into a deep sleep within a matter of minutes. One survey conducted found over 2,000 women, from teens to their 90s, reported masturbating to relax, get sleep, and to even relieve menstrual cramps. 🗣 SO MAKE YA OWN TOES CURL SIS

Masturbation is known to relieve cramps, “however, for some women, the muscle contractions during orgasm can intensify their cramps so proceed with caution.” 

(4) There are really no cons. In some cases it’s the smarter option, because it involves no emotional or personal liabilities and risks. Rather than going raw and depending on the pill that you consistently take at different times of the day — you could simply masturbate. You can’t catch anything and you can’t get pregnant. Horses, birds and apes do it… you can too.

“Masturbation only becomes too much if it serves as an escape from problems in your relationship, if it begins to affect your health, or if it turns into a substitute for real life experiences. Additionally, if masturbation causes physical soreness, emotional issues (you can’t think about anything else), problems with your relationship, or habituation issues (when only the type of stimulation you engage in during masturbation will lead to an orgasm), it may be a signal to cut back. But very few people ever get to this point.” 

SO HOW DO YA DO IT

There’s a lot going on down there and it could be kinda difficult to figure out, so we’re gonna run through the basics. Mood is critical in times like this. So if relaxation means a nice bath, glass of wine, or jamming out to your favorite artist, do what you gotta do. A distraction free environment is also important because there’s nothing weirder than your roommate walking in mid-climax. Like we always encourage with men, take your time. Get naked (or at least close to it) and cherish ya body a little bit. Warm some things up. Give ya nipps some attention… I know it’s not the same as getting ya titty sucked but work with me. Whatever part of the body is sensitive to you — use it to your advantage.

The biggest sex organ is between the ears, so engage your brain as well. Remember sexy times from your past, check out arousing online images, or read erotica. Whatever you need to do to fuel that fire.” — Babeland Co-Founder, Rachel Venning

Ass + Titties are everywhere. Many see erotic stories as the female equivalent of pornography, but there’s snapchat accounts, the hub, that second calculator that’s really hiding your sex tape, or videos you still have in the thread. I think some of the strongest panty wetters are flashbacks. Cause every girl has stared into space at least once thinking about that one time he changed ya life.

Jim Pfaus — professor of neuroscience at Montreal’s Concordia University says, “We connect [through masturbation] to the types of action that we see in erotic or pornographic visual stimuli. This feeds our sexual fantasies, which is an enrichment of our creative process.” 

Now the nitty-gritty. The typical position involves laying on your back, but you can lift your legs, sit criss-cross applesauce or lay on your stomach. Clinical sexologist, Dr. Tanginika Cuascud, suggest that you get a mirror and try looking at your own genitals, especially if you have no idea what your lower half entails. However, I’m praying that you do. Warm up with your majora and minora labia (these are your bottom set of lips). Then slowly move your focus to one of the two focal spots: The clit and vaginal opening. Now when you start self indulging, don’t become goal oriented on climaxing — because you might disappoint yourself. Plus that’s adds a whole lot of unnecessary pressure.

WORKING WITH THE CLIT

Clits are honestly a no for me, because their sensitive as hell and I just can’t. But they’re pretty much known for easily providing orgasms. This little pearl is a small nub located underneath small folds of skin above the vagina. It’s the only part of the body whose sole purpose is for pleasure, meaning it has no use in reproduction. It’s commonly more pleasurable to provide indirect stimulation, because it contains over 8,000 nerve endings, which is double the amount in the glans of a penis. So anyone going straight for the clit is just wild to me, cause I recommend being lowkey with it.

Start the blood flow by moving your fingers along your inner labia and on the sides of your clitoris. Then proceed with indirect stimulation, which could include back and forth strokes, circular motions, or gentle taps. This is a one to two finger mechanism that you really just have to experiment with. Everyone is different, and when it comes to the clit — the amount of sensitivity it has varies drastically. For some women touching it can be painful, so do what feels good to you whether if it’s using the palm of your hand or your knuckles.Try different pressures, speeds, and types of motion. You could play with it with the hood still over the clit or expose it and circulate your fingers around it.

Research has found that women are most likely to reach orgasm by stroking diagonally across the clitoris. So think of your clitoris like a clock, with the 12 closer to your anus, and the 6 closer to your belly button. You can stroke from 1 to 7 if you’re a righty, or 11 to 5 if you’re a lefty. On average, it takes women about 20 minutes to orgasm. And finger painting is quick and easy way to get the job done.

FINGERING

Now fingering is unique, because if you don’t give yourself a pleasurable experience, it just feels like a baby dick is in you doing nothing. But if done correctly, it can be extremely satisfying.

First off, you have to know where your G-spot is, which is located on the front wall of your vagina and it feels similar to the top of your mouth. When you get done with foreplay, you want to slide a finger between your labia and open things up. Teasing yourself is good here, so you can slide around your entire vulva before entering inside. You’re essentially gonna give yourself strokes, adding slightly curled fingers for enhanced intensity. Using the same come hither motion I teach in the squirting article. You can go fast or slow, with short or long penetration. (And even add a little clit play in there for fun!)

NEXT LEVEL SHIT

Masturbation is a nice bit of manual labor that can honestly be skipped with just a few purchases. I went to the Museum of Sex in New York and damn near saw just about everything, so whatever you want (or need) is out there. Vibrators provide direct clit stimulation so that’s a lot of womans go to. However, upon my research you’d be surprised what else you can use. 

Electronic toothbrushes… Cucumbers… Jacuzzi jets… Your mans Xbox controller…

It gives a whole new meaning to PlayStation. Find a game which makes the controller vibrate, and then make the moves that keep it buzzing. Slide it inside your panties and enjoy the game.”

Take a bath and somehow finesse your genitals under the tub faucet. Ride the arm of a chair or couch or even the edge of a table or desk with a thick towel or blanket folded over it. Masturbation should be experimental. Adding toys is cool — but learn for yourself first. There are even masturbation classes where you sit in a circle, I kid you not.

I’m a sucker for three things: intellectual stimulation, whenever someone tucks my hair behind my ear and neck kisses. If he can do that, my panties are getting wet automatically. However these are not very difficult tasks to do — so before I ever feel like i’m getting in a situation where those three things can occur. I masturbate. I’m telling y’all the thigh rub won’t feel the same.

Masturbation can also add a lil spice in your relationships. I’ve already told y’all the story of how I wanted a round in the middle of the night, but didn’t want to wake him up, so I just strategically masturbated to get his attention. There’s also this thing called FaceTime, which has opened doors of opportunity for mutual masturbation (or him to just watch you). Or just add it to sex if you ain’t bout that life.

The college years are often many females first opportunity for sexual exploration, allowing an environment for sexual honesty and experimentation to harvest. We’re finding ourselves in every other aspect, why not in this way too.

NETFLIX & CHILL YOURSELF. TURN UP PARTY OF ONE.

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