FOR SOME REASON IN THE LAST THREE MONTHS, THE TOPIC OF THREESOMES HAS ODDLY RESURFACED MULTIPLE TIMES IN MY LIFE, SO I SUPPOSE IT’S TIME FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT THEM.
The first time a ménage á trois ever impacted me directly was when my best friend and I found ourselves in this little situation. We were at our classmate’s house midday, nothing creepy and he was asking us both a bunch of questions. “Wow. I can’t decide which one of you to go for. Y’all both seem kinda great in your own way…” Next thing you know, he’s explaining how we should all unite. The next time this request came up was from my partner at the time. It was his special night and I was treating him on some super cute shit. I’m not sure if he was super faded and finally got the balls to ask or thought because I was treating him, I would be more prone to say yes… but he casually brought up that one of the girls in the house would be down and if I wanted to, we could make something happen. Fast-forward to my present day Miami chronicles, I found myself drunkenly volunteering to be numero tres in a spring break fiasco (don’t judge, I was lit lmao).
Despite these and the many other requests, I’ve never had a threesome. My best friend and I laughed as we immediately left our classmates crib. “Sorry babe, I’m not one to share,” I responded to the birthday boy and I quickly revoked my request when my friend said, “Bet. I’ll text him right now,” during spring break in Miami.
THREESOME ARE THE ULTIMATE SEX CLICHÉ & “COLLEGE IS THE TIME FOR IT” — SAYS MY PENIS-CARRYING FRIENDS
According to a 2016 study in the Journal of Sexual Archives, 82% of men and 31% of women [ages 18–24] were interested in a threesome, but only 24% of men and 8% percent of women said they’d already participated.
“MEN FEEL THE LOOMING ANXIETY THAT SEXUAL LIBERATION WILL SOON END WITH MARRIAGE, SO THEY WANT TO CHECK OFF AS MANY SEXUAL FANTASIES AND LOFTY CONQUESTS ON THEIR LIST — ANS SOON.”
Seth Myers, Clinical Psychologist
Women, subconsciously, don’t see much benefit. We plan our sex lives, examine our choices, and make conscious decisions in order to procreate (biologically speaking). Most of our partners are chosen because we (1) find them attractive…which leads to pretty babies or (2) they have admirable socio-economic status… which ensures stability.
“ALTHOUGH LESS COMMON, THERE ARE MANY WOMEN WHO ARE EQUALLY INTERESTED IN EXPERIENCING TWO MEN AT THE SAME TIME. THE MOST COMMON TIME FOR THIS BEHAVIOR IS DURING THE COLLEGE YEARS, WHEN EXPERIMENTATION IS MORE SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE.”
Steven Lamm, Sexual Health Expert
THREE MOUTHS. SIX HANDS. FOUR BREASTS OR TWO DICKS?
For today’s lecture, we’re gonna stick to mixed gender threesomes and focus on FFM. Two males + one female pushes my mind to double penetration, which moves me to gang bang, which I’ll never be writing about lol. Going from two → three immediately burns the idea of romance and instead transforms the experience into something purely sexual.
- THERE’S STIMULATION FROM TWO PEOPLE, IN DIFFERENT PLACES, SIMULTANEOUSLY
- EXPLORATION OF SEX WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX
- THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT CHEATING
- THE ABILITY TO WITNESS YOUR LOVER/BE WATCHED WITH FRESH EYES
PLAN IT OUT
Lil Wayne once said, “She ain’t never had a threesome… I don’t even believe her speeches,” eluding to the fact that if you haven’t swallowed semen or had a threesome, your freak level is poo. Participating in this act for the right reasons, however, is extremely important.
To make your partner happy, be able to fuck someone you secretly want, or prove your freakiness are all dubs. The last thing you want is a civil war in thine bedroom, cause someone stared at someone’s tits for a second too long. It should be desired on all parts. Meaning, if it’s going to breed resentment later, throw the idea away altogether. After speaking with males who’ve had multiple threesomes, they all mentioned that if it’s planned, it’ll probably go awry. “You want the suggestion to come and then you just do it. Not something you think about and decide later on.”
HOWEVER, BEING THE PLANNER I AM…
I can’t let y’all get to smashing without thinking about the person, penetration, kissing, cuddling, and cumming beforehand.
As someone whose been there. I want to first rant about how best friends should be off limits. Now on one hand your thinking… they’ve probably seen each others titties, ass and possibly even vagina already. Could’ve even touched them. And you’re right lmao. But still. A threesome with best friends creates too many emotional risks. It really has nothing to do with you, but more so it creates a dilemma within the girl group. Too much room for competition and jealousy. So even if she a bad girl and her friends bad too. SHUT YO ASS UP UNLESS SHE ASKS YOU.
[I've always used the counterargument what if I fucked your mans. What if I asked to throw your best bro in the mix. Wouldn't you feel some type of way? The response to this question didn't always go as expected -- but in short. Your feelings would be hurt.]
WITH A STRANGER:
- Slimmer chance of a fallout afterwards
- You could very well never see them again
- You don’t know anything about their status regarding STD’s/STI’s
- → Can be found on Tinder, OkCupid, Pure Lounge & especially El Rey 😂
WITH A TRUSTED, BUT DISTANT FRIEND:
- Established level of comfort and attraction
- Role in life isn’t pivotal, so things can cease if something goes wrong
- Has the possibility of turning into competition for attention
- Seeing them around, now includes the mental image of them naked and moaning
- → The friend that always grabs your ass jokingly or is interested in threesomes
One of the hardest parts about threesomes is making sure everyone is attracted to each another. “You have to find an attractive woman who will turn her on, but not so attractive that the woman is insecure. They have to be equally yoked.” [MEN] Introducing another woman into your sex life has opened the door for comparison + competition. You saying a name immediately makes it seem like you’ve been waiting for this opportunity. Save yourself from an argument later. Fall back and let the lady lead. When she makes her suggestion, respond nonchalantly. NO MATTER HOW ATTRACTIVE SHE IS. You want to give her a simple and subtle answer like, “yeah, she’s cool.”
“I don’t have boobs, so why not throw some nice titties in the mix. But at the same time, if I see him head first in her chest, I’m gonna feel some type of way because I can’t provide that sensation myself.”
“If it’s random, obviously it doesn’t matter. But if it’s my man, I mean… I would want the girl to be attractive, not any less… And if she’s more then I should be okay with it, seeing I helped pick.”
Once you decide, it’s time to get the other person on board. Make sure it’s one person recruiting, because two people can seem like a creepy attack. Schedule a time and a place, and I strongly recommend everyone be a little lit (or very lit). Do something so it’s not an immediate “let’s fuck” as everyone arrives. If it were me, I’d let the women get familiar and warm up amongst themselves. Start it like any typical girls night, with wine, lingerie and a sexy playlist. I know this sounds like a typical porno, but hey, you really could walk in to two girls kissing.
“Thinking back… it wasn’t very romantic for the third person. I made muffins and we talked a little before, but it was kinda awkward, because everyone didn’t know everybody. We decided to get a little drunk, and once the liq set in everything kinda flowed.”
THE ACT ITSELF
Three naked bodies have a unique amount of erotic potential, but the success of your threesome depends on your attitude + energy. The people who are most attracted, most comfortable, and most experienced will come out with the most pleasure. The man gets special treatment, but he also has to carry the team, (especially if the females are uncomfortable truly interacting with each other). The fantasy value often outweighs the performance anxiety, but you can’t get so excited that you fold.
HERE ARE SOME BASIC PLACEMENTS TO GET THINGS STARTED.
- VOYEUR: This is often how threesomes begin, with two people going at it and one waiting to hop in. However, if you ever want to observe… simply masturbate while the other two are getting it in.
- THE STANDARD: One person (male/female) receives all the attention within that moment, with the foundation being oral. The other person is kissing, sucking nipples, playing with a clitoris… it doesn’t really matter.
- DOUBLE COWGIRL: It’s a dual ride. One girl sits on his face, while the other is in the standard cowgirl position. This allows the ladies to interract, while the male is both working and getting ridden.
- SAIL AWAY: It’s similar to double cowgirl, except different people are doing different things. A woman is now lying down on her back, while receiving missionary from the gent. The other woman is still on the base’s face and she now has the luxury of touching herself or rubbing the clitoris of the woman giving her oral.
- DOUBLE DIP: The women have the opportunity to really show each other some love, without having to eat boxes. Laying on top of one another in missionary, the man can then alternate penetration between both.
- DOGGY TRAIN: Hands on ya knees! Hands on ya knees! Hands on ya knees! Get funky with it! (I’m lame, I know). You have both vagina holders on their hands and knees in a train, while the man acts as the caboose with the backshots. Shorty in the middle obviously has to hold it together the most, cause she’s giving and receiving.
- DOGGY DELUXE: He’s giving backshots to one partner, while that partner is eating out the other. This works well, because as she’s receiving backshots, one should naturally propel forward onto the other’s clitoris.
- TAG TEAM: One lady gets that edge of the bed penetration, while he’s stroking with your legs in the air. However, she also has another woman sitting on her face.
- 69 +1: Ladies, get into the 69 position. Men, penetrate a vagina of choice.
No matter what the position, everyone should work to stay busy. If your hands, mouth or genitals are free — think how you could use them and get more involved. Licking, kissing, fondling, fingering. There are times where you won’t be the main act and it’s your job [as a co-star] to simply keep the show running. Everyone deserves to be a star.
“Be mindful of penetration. It’s a very intimate act of energy exchange. It implies creating a bond with one of the individuals in the triad while leaving the other out, creating a lifelong connection.”
Often times, only two can really finish and only one’s gonna get the nut. As annoying as it may be… you still gotta stay strapped 😂 The last thing you want is TWO BABY MAMAS. No finger, tongue, or penis should move from an anus to a vagina or mouth. No one wants to leave the bathroom pissed afterwards knowing they’ve got a week of antibiotics ahead.
THE POSSIBILITY OF SHIT HITTING THE FAN
As fun as a threesome seems, there’s a strong possibility of it turning into a shit show. The reasoning behind one’s actions often affects the emotional repercussions of the situation. I hate to start preaching, but 🗣THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP MUST BE HARD AS A ROCK. If you’re already dealing with trust and communication issues, I’m not sure why the thought of adding another partner would seem smart.
“He catered more to me, and never really had sex with her. I was the only one who really touched the other girl.”
Most women have the it’s either me or my man getting the most attention mentality and my immediate response is okay……… so why y’all having a threesome. Why is sis there. Why y’all bringing an unwanted addition that’s only gonna be treated like an underclass citizen.
The idea of having another person in bed must equate to a fun concept for both partners. If it appears an act of deceit and lust, it could WILL lead to jealousy, anger, and pain. You are essentially giving him permission to be with another woman. You are giving her permission to explore same-gender sex. You are voluntarily introducing competition into your sex life (which has always been there, but not directly in your face). You could see your man react in a way you’ve never gotten him to before. Your girl could be moaning in a voice you’ve never previously heard. It’s all a possibility: to be outplayed, outperformed, and outdone.
The KEY however is to observe and acknowledge. In the words of Malcolm X, “There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains it’s own seed, it’s own lesson, on how to improve your performance for the next time.” 🗣 LIFE SET UP FOR YOU TO TAKE L’S, BUT YOU GON EITHER LOOK AT IT AS A LOSS OR A LESSON. So if you’re getting outdone, take notes + study it like porn so you can keep your man/woman.
THE SAFEST THING TO DO IS FIND TWO PEOPLE WHO ARE DOWN OR AVOID THE CRAZINESS ALL TOGETHER. Emotions are out of one’s control. When they happen, they happen. But communicating these possibilities beforehand allows the opportunity to prevent detrimental reactions . I believe all girls are crazy, just in a variety of ways. Will she slap the other girl, blatantly run out crying, stay silent and send you a multitude of paragraphs later. Ya never know. But if you start sensing she’s getting reserved, I suggest ya move quick. Reaffirm the bond with your primary partner before, during and after the ménage a trois. She should take precedence over any other benefit, so give her eye contact, an endearing kiss, or gas shorty up! She might fuck around and pull some tricks out her ass to establish her dominance… have you like…
SOURCES (BESIDES MI SENORITAS + SENORS):
BETWEEN THE SHEETS 