When I was young and my mom would talk to me about sex, she would never talk about the risk of pregnancy. “A baby is nothing. We’d all pitch in to make sure the little one was okay. Life would just come with a lot more sacrifices.” Instead, she would always talk about the risk of HIV. I don’t know why she took that route, but it basically became engrained in my mind that unprotected sex can lead to serious health risks. A baby is a large responsibility, but these diseases can affect the way you live on a day-to-day basis. From that moment forth, unprotected sex became a wild concept to me (regardless of one’s love or affection).
Fast forward to the first time I fell in love… I was on birth control, I gave him my virginity, and when we ran out of condoms, we just ran out of condoms. I spent a check to get fully tested and make sure I was clean in every way possible and from that day forth, I was a CONDOMGIRL4LYFE.
I HAVE NO BEEF WITH CONDOMS.
I don’t know if I’ve trained my body to get used to them, suppressed the feeling of sex without them, or genuinely just don’t feel the difference. However, I really don’t mind using them. As a certified condom girl, I always had the gold packs. If you ever came to my room you saw the huge pile that often supplied some of my fellow friends as well as me. (In fact the photo used on this article was my stash). And when it came to my partners, there was never a question whether or not they were being used. An occasional request or two yes, but everyone had an understanding.
This last year however, I ran into a different breed. The “Bruh I hate condoms.” “You’re really gonna make me put this on?” “I’m just tryna feel your wet pussy on my dick” type.
Let me not throw this all on the brothers, which I often do. Because I know a multitude of women that take the pill every day and if you ask them for a condom, they’ll only have the lifestyles from freshman year. I suppose the breed I ran into were used to dealing with these type of women, which in no way are a bad batch. In fact, these types of sexual partners are quite popular.
HOWEVER — WE OFTEN FORGET ABOUT THE POSSIBILITIES
Last September, I had the biggest STD scare of my life and to say I was a wreck was truly an understatement. I wasn’t eating or going to class, the guy I was with was extremely unsupportive so my parents ended up flying up, and I literally wanted to die. This may seem extremely dramatic for someone whose vag was just a little off, but I immediately thought of the rare times I had unprotected sex. I always thought I had the eye for nice dicks, but had I folded and chose one that could’ve changed my future forever. (When you have scares like this you start thinking about life on a serious level lmao).
SUDDENLY THE “BRUH I HATE CONDOMS.” “YOU’RE REALLY GONNA MAKE ME PUT THIS ON?” “I’M JUST TRYING TO FEEL YOUR WET PUSSY ON MY DICK” DIDN’T HAVE THE SAME AFFECT.
Now I know for the male, that condoms are trash. I get it. I really do.
- You want to continue without having to get up and grab a condom.
- You want to actually feel the moisture her vagina has to offer.
- You want to live in the moment and not focus on pulling out.
- You want to shoot the club up when she says cum in me.
- You want to nut inside and watch the shit drip out.
- You want to slide in from the cuddle the next morning.
- You want to maximize the experience for you.
Ladies — Condoms can dry you out. They interrupt the mood. They smell like hospital. After a while, it’s just rubber friction. You’re already on birth control. You want to scream, “fill me up.” I get it. I really do. I’ve been there sis. 🗣FILL ME UP!
BUT ASIDE FROM THIS HAPPENING —
Your vagina can have bumps around it, that swell up and peel. Your penis can have burning sensations that occur every time you pee. You could be… itching.
So go get tested. It’s a simple solution to all this, that allows you to continue rawing shortly after the results come back.
There are multiple types of test: some based on urine, mouth swabs, genital swabs or with one’s blood. Many people pass on the blood, but to me it’s one of the most important, because it tests for things that often have no symptoms. Meaning you could’ve sent in your pee and been clean for four years, not knowing you had HPV with no symptoms.
The whole thing can be scary, especially if you’ve had multiple partners, but I’m telling y’all it’s important! It can be free depending on your location and allows you to know exactly what’s going on in your body.
Having no symptoms works as a pro and a con, because in the event you do have something, you can essentially continue your life as normal after the necessary treatment. Meaning — DON’T FREAK OUT IF YOU DO. And for the partner of someone who gets the news… don’t be an asshole. It’s never someones intentions to pass something, because 99.9% of the time, they had no idea. It’s important that everyone is mature and not reactive to the situation at hand.
FOR THOSE WHO JUST AREN’T HERE FOR IT + STILL GONNA RAW
Unless both people come back with that paper, I will continue to advise against the transcending experience known as raw dogging. And men, I recommend you get to training yourself to enjoy sex with the use of a condom (again). It’s been explained to me that sex with condoms is mostly terrible when you’ve been used to sex without condoms. Therefore, one must actively have sex with a condom in order to remind oneself how decent it can be… or, stop having sex. Don’t touch your dick for a week and I promise the condom won’t kill ya.
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WORSE THAN YOU ENDING FOREPLAY, GRABBING THE PENIS RAINCOAT AND SEEING THAT BEAUTY TURN INTO A SOFT PIECE OF FLESH.
Immediately, I’m thinking “damn… I gotta suck this man’s penis.” It’s a moment of frustration on both parts, because (hopefully) you’ve already done your share of foreplay, so at this point you’re just tryna get shit pawpin. I’ve literally rolled my eyes, fallen back, and started cursing the man out as if he has ultimate control. Knowing there’s unpleasant resistance ahead, a rubbery feel, and no skin-to-skin contact can take away the desire. However, these are options to help. Beside the obvious of have it near and dear the bed at all times.
- PUT IT ON FOR HIM: I know this seems random, but I still recall someone telling me how sexy it is for the girl to put it on herself. Note– it’s not as easy as it looks, which is why I totally get how a dick can turn soft during the process. However, get creative with your approach. Dirty talk while you’re doing it. Open the wrapper with your free hands, while his dick’s in your mouth. Suck his balls while he’s putting it on. Give him a view (ass up ladies) while you put it on. The coolest suggestion I’ve heard is learning to put it on with your mouth. [NOTE: if you can do this, you need to hit me up with the step-by-step instructions lmao.]
- USE LUBE: I’m not sure why people are against the idea of lube, because sometimes you need it. Sometimes you came through dripping and after a few beatings, you ain’t got no wet wet left. Also, ladies… sometimes a cold jelly like substance can bring a new sensation to your experience. Apply 1-2 drops inside the condom for his stimulation, and then swirl some on the outside for you both.
- CHOOSE POSITIONS WISELY: Use positions that actually restrict your vagina’s growth, so that he feels more pressure. This can be missionary with you legs lifted or around his neck or backshots, with your legs squeezed together. “These modifications and positions temporarily change the dimensions of your vagina during sex, making the vaginal canal narrower and/or shorter. As a result, his penis will feel bigger and tighter inside of you, which will increase sensation,” says NYC-based sex therapist, Michael Aaron, Ph.D. Also try making a V with your fingers and placing it at his base, between your legs when he’s thrusting. Anything to apply pressure!
- EXPERIMENT: There’s ribbed, warming, tingling and studded condoms nowadays. These textures can have an effect on both the stimulation of her vaginal walls and the friction of the condom on the penis. Also… THIN CONDOMS, so you can cum faster and feel better. Condoms do lessen the intensity for the man, which can cause longer rounds. So if he’s doing it right, this could be a thirty minute vs. fifteen minute sesh.
Last, but not least. Stay consistent. Going back and forth from using to not using, will always put condom sex at a serious disadvantage. There’s nothing better than laying up, having conversation and then grinding on a dick. Seeing that precum come into fruition. Feeling his relief as he releases inside of you. (I get it! I really do!!) But safe sex, is the best sex.
DON’T WAIT UNTIL IT’S TOO LATE.
I FEEL LIKE J. COLE IN FRIENDS LMFAO #CHOOSEWISELY
SOURCES:
BETWEEN THE SHEETS 