THE LAST TIME I PROMOTED FOR BETWEEN THE SHEETS, ONE OF MY FRIENDS RESPONDED, “HERE YOU GO WITH THAT FREAKY SHIT.” I WENT INTO IMMEDIATE DEFENSE MODE. YEAH, I WRITE ABOUT SEX, READ ABOUT SEX AND GENUINELY LIKE SEX. BUT WHAT QUALIFIES ME AS A FREAK?
In one of my favs, Brown Sugar, Dre (Taye Diggs) describes his newfound fiancé. “We’re all looking for wifey material. A woman that’s fine, smart, classy, but not a snob. Hella, hella sexy, but not a hoe. That’s Brown Sugar. Don’t get confused by her business suit. She is a freak in the bedroom.”
Now obviously Luda and Usher agree, being a freak is essential, but what exactly does being a freak mean? I headed straight to Google on a quest to find out. Five quizzes later… I was questioning my whole life lmao.
You’re sleeping over at your homegirl’s hotel room after a party. She and her boyfriend begin to have sex in the middle of the night. They’re both attractive people, and you know they’re down for anything. What do you do? [A] Pretend you are sleep, but watch them get it in [B] Turn over and ignore them [C] Join in on the fun [D] Secretly masturbate in the dark You and a guy you’re sleeping with are in the midst of foreplay and he asks for you to finger him. What do you do? [A] Tell him you can’t get down with that and leave [B] It’s only a finger, why not [C] Tell him it would be much better if you used your dildo You’re spending the night with your homegirl. You wake up to her sucking your breast, do you… [A] Push her off [B] Tell her to go lower [C] Let her finish with your breast, but say that’s as far as you go [D] Flip her over and take your turn
Now some of the quizzes asked questions about sex toys, spanking, keeping the lights on, wearing lingerie and dirty talk. While others involved porn habits, threesomes, anal, and nipples clamps. Of the five tests, here were my results:
80% Freaky. 22% kinky and 78% vanilla! Nasty Freak: You are the nastiest level of freak there is! “Oh You Nasty” — You may not be into the extreme, but you get down. You should think about becoming an amateur porn star. YOU’RE A CLOSET FREAK — You like to play coy about sex in public, because it’s nobody’s damn business. But when it’s time get it in, you put it down and pull out all the stops to please your partner.
Now truthfully, I don’t think I’m really a freak… but some of the things I have done (and genuinely enjoy) might say otherwise. Me and my vag… we’re friends. And if you’ve read enough articles, you know about sis capabilities to squirt. Now the amount of nudes chilling in my camera roll is pretty alarming, but I recently challenged myself to push the limits by tapping the red button. This seemed way too freaky. Like I’m crossing a line that I shouldn’t be. Like I’m on some next level shit, that I shouldn’t be on. But yet there I was… camera out. This was the first time ever. I thought to myself. Wow. I might really be bout this life.
tbh, i’m thankful this Macbook even works because lmaooocamethroughdrippin
Now under good advising, I was told to categorize this whole debacle into levels, because freakiness can go a long way — so there’s normal, up there, od and top-notch 🗣SIS UISA FREAK!
LEVEL 1: NORMAL
These people do enough to be recognized, but don’t deserve any real hand claps. This is the hair pulling, smack my ass, actually like to suck dick type. To me this is standard for good sex. Essential qualities you should want in your partner. examples of level one — Nudes, Lingerie, FaceTime Tease, Strip Tease, Biting, Choking, Whip Cream, Blindfolds, “Daddy,” Sex in Public Places with no risk (parking lot sex/movie theatre head) and I hate to say it… but I’ve been informed folks that ice is no longer next level.
LEVEL 2: UP THERE
These girls take initiative. They’re open to trying new things and don’t mind adding them to their repertoire once they realize they enjoy them. Risk is introduced here and the foundation of many top-tier nasty moves are established here. This is kinda like… the tip, tip, tipppp of the iceberg. examples of level two — Sending Videos, Mutual Masturbation, Facial, Swallowing, Sex in Public (restrooms/classrooms), Watching Porn Together, and Intro level BDSM (handcuffs/bondage/domination/submission).
LEVEL 3: OD
Originally, I didn’t have a level three, but I realized there had to be a transition phase. Here you’re going above and beyond and indulging in sex on a different level. You like to shake things up and keep him on his toes. You’ve whispered that you’re not wearing anything under your skirt at family dinner just to meet him in the bathroom, mouth fulla ice to suck his dick. examples of level three — Eating ass, Anal, Involving Toys with sex (plugs/vibrators/etc), Threesomes, Super Spontaneous sex… like on the ferris wheel, in the driveway and in the uber. Plus, you’ve tapped into the Real BDSM.
LEVEL 4: TOP NOTCH
In developmental psychology you learn that most people don’t reach the final stages of certain development. Most people don’t put enough practice, discipline or even care towards becoming the ultimate human being. And those that do are unique in their own special way. Level 4 are for those type of people… I don’t even want to call it a level, because it’s almost like they’re a different breed. These are the “nymphs who enjoy orgies and shit like that.”
You’re not just using your strength to force a change of positions, you’re bringing out the paddle. You’re tying his wrists to the bedpost, digging nails into his skin and turned on by his wince. You’ve got him eating berries from a bowl on the ground and barking like a dog. examples of level four — Orgies, Intense BDSM, Superior Pornstar Shit
Now you may have read this and been like LEVEL THREE, I DO THAT ALL THE TIME or choking is the lowest level? This scale is off. But I asked men and women. This was the best I could do.
FREEK-A-LEEK
“Being a freak ultimately just means stepping outside the norm and choosing your own adventure regardless of societal expectations.” I’m talking about someone who is completely sold out to the sexual encounter at that moment, giving every shred of her body and soul and energy. Whatever she does, she does it balls to the wall and without hesitation, distraction, judgment or regret.
Freaks are fearless in the bedroom. They’re unpredictable, bestow variety, radiate confidence, advance with passion and often emulate animalistic behavior. She holds qualities that contribute to high sexual achievement, such as selflessness, stamina, and creativity. But most importantly, she’s truly educated on the topic of sex. She knows erogenous zones, different positions, and the little things that…only freaks know.
“A freak knows wtf she is doing…and that can be specific to her man or to just men in general. She knows his spots and what makes him tick. And when she does it, she does it! She not afraid to have spit on her chin. She is a sexual goddess, free of any constraints.”
Now it’s easy to get confused between the concept of being a freak and loving your man, so as a result trying new things. Being a freak is not about the other person, it’s kind of a weird quirk that’s already instilled within you. I want to have a threesome, because I want to have a threesome, not because my man thinks it’s cool or it’s one of his fantasies. These are your own fantasies. Your passion must revolve around the act of sex itself, not the person you’re with. Because passion towards the person can only make you more open (and give you good freak credibility). But just because you’re willing, doesn’t mean you’ll like it. “Adventurous is wanting to try new things. Freaky is trying new things without asking.”
PLEASE NOTE: You can really like sex, have a ton of sex, and be exceptionally well at it, without being a freak.
WOMEN LMAO
“If you find someone who likes the same stuff as you, you’re taken back at first and skeptical. People love to say things, but don’t actually follow through. If she say I want you to cum in her ass but she’s never really had anal…”
Women often illuminate this image that they’re freakier than they are. And I get it. Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” However, the teasing aspect can get a little childish.
Every source explicitly explained that “the quiet, innocent-looking ones tend to be the silent rivers.” However my fellow Jamaican’s said it best.
THE BEST SEX = MATCHING ENERGIES
I’ve talked to multiple male specimens about the concept of cheating on girls they truly love [out of sexual desire] and everyone says the same things. “Sexual satisfaction.” Now I am not defending my fellow penis carriers, this is not relationship central, i’m not talking bout no cheating. However, I bring this up to emphasize the importance of sexual satisfaction.
Over time one discovers what pleasures them and then requires those expectations for themselves. I like having anal. It is something that is desired of my partner. And I do not think I will be fully sexually satisfied with a man whose not for it. That doesn’t mean I need someone whose 100% stick it in the ass woot woot!!! But I do need someone whose willing and open to it. Your “freak-a-nometer” doesn’t have to precisely match your partners in order to be succesful. It is openness to trying new things in order to sexually satisfy a person that is most important.
One of the best words of advice my mother gave me when I started having sex, was that even though he’s not your boyfriend, you’re still in a relationship. You’re still connected to your partner. You should still consider their feelings. You should still trust, communicate, and possibly sacrifice for your partner. Because though it’s not your “man.” In the words of my mother, y’all obviously close enough to put your private parts together and connect souls (lmao).
TRUE LIFE: I’M A FREAK
When you’re intimate with someone, it can be nerve-wrecking to figure out how exactly to suggest things. I found myself asking, is it cool to have a freak? do guys want to explore possibilities? are having these preferences “too weird” for a sexual mate?
And in short, anything new can be intimidating at first.
Looking back a lot of my freakiest moments came from Hennessey, “you know i can [insert trade skill] right,” or just not giving a damn and making shit shake. Now if you went to a HBCU (specifically with visitation), you understand that you were basically forced to explore alternatives from the jump. People were behind buildings, on roofs, and in the cut because “if you can’t go to her dorm room, then where the hell can you go?”
But for many, the exploratory stages begin with a trusted partner, period of adventure, or personal expedition. And once you begin, the things that once seemed outlandish and obscure become normal. The enjoyment of that tingle from your man slapping your ass turns into a deeper masochistic desire and from there who knows where you go next.
“To be a freak means you’re open to new ideas. Otherwise it’s just preferences.”
Everything is subjective. The scale. The sources. The whole article. People that did anal and ate ass swore it couldn’t be higher than a 2, while those who hadn’t defended their 3’s and 4’s with valid explanations. “Imani, you act like this is normal and I’m telling you it’s not!”
BETWEEN THE SHEETS 