THE BEST ADVICE I COULD EVER GIVE YOU

I WANT YOU GUYS TO TAKE A FEW SECONDS AND THINK ABOUT THE BEST SEX YOU’VE EVER HAD. I KNOW THERE’S WOMEN WHO STRAIGHT UP JUST HAVE SOME FIRE BOX, AS FOR MEN WHO STRAIGHT UP JUST HAVE SOME BOMB D. BUT REALLY THINK… WHAT ARE THE BEST SEXUAL EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE? 

PERSONALLY REFLECTING, THREE ESCAPADES COME TO MIND.

(1) Me and this guy had been playing games for months and I needed to just sit down and decide is you gonna be with the shits or nah? By the time we had sex, I felt like he was moving in anger. In fact, I distinctly remember him saying “I bet you’ll never tease me again,” while i’m over here just trying to breathe. (2) I was reconnecting with a long-time former mans. I wanted a title. He didn’t, but he insured me [insert nigga lies here]. He must’ve done some romantic gesture that got me back to his place, cause all I recall is having on some fresh ASOS lingerie and him slowly undressing me with his mouth. (3) I had a mans who was damn near everything I ever wanted, but I could not move past this one lifestyle difference. When I was two forehead kisses from falling in love, I told him we should halt and I’m not sure if he took that as motivation to rearrange my guts or it was simply a coincidence, but mid-stroke I stopped him, looked him dead in the eye, and said… “I might love you right now.” 

There’s honorable mentions, but these take the cake for A1, top-notch, five-star, premium grade, of the highest order, 🗣IF SHIT WAS OUTTA EIGHT, WE LIKE TO MAKE IT TEN.

Now think of a time where you had the complete opposite experience. Like wtf is this, no passion, in and out, missionary you’re staring at the ceiling and he’s observing your bed frame. Dialogue is sparse. Is that a nut? It is. Great. We’re done here. Gtg.

I once had terrible sex and when I say terrible, I sat on this mans toilet afterwards just thinking how bad I folded. Our pillow talk involved a deep sigh and the words, “yeah… I’m slightly disappointed” piercing my ears. No one wants those experiences and hopefully you never have ’em, but sometimes it’s just too awkward, you’re too drunk, too dry, too soft, too uncomfortable, too nervous and fifteen minutes later… you’re too embarrassed to have a discussion about it ever again.

MY BLOG IS ABOUT HAVING BETTER SEX. NO GUARANTEE YOU’LL BE A PORNSTAR OR ANYTHING, BUT TO KNOW BETTER IS TO DO BETTER. I’M HERE TO REVEAL THE ONE THING THAT CAN CHANGE THE GAME FOREVER.

INTIMACY

I come here for positions, confidence boosters, and you’ve honestly been pushing it with the sex–ed lately. The last thing I want is a relationship speech. Number one, I ain’t neva cuffed, so I couldn’t give you a relationship speech if I wanted and someone actually suggested this topic so HA. This matter dates back to the 1995 classic film, KIDS, where a group of teenage girls gather round to discuss the various types of sex.

MAKING LOVE, HAVING SEX, AND THEN FUCKING

I’ve had sex for a multitude of reasons, and the reason often affects the category. Most times, I like the person and I see it as a way to grow closer. I thought sex would give me a secret key to the mans heart. (Did I mention I’m never cuffed?) Between the months January – March, i’m lonely and body heat. And then on the extremely rare occasion — like once in my life — I was just horny. Cause masturbating can only be so much fun and I was sexually intrigued, aka lust.

*to all those who’ve seen me naked, i’m still a little creeped that you’re here… but please don’t try and unknowingly categorize yourself bc your feelings will prob end up more hurt than they need to be and it’s all love.

Fucking has motivation driving it. Whether it’s to please you or not is debatable, but it’s aggressive and raw. Animalistic. Loud in the form of pants, ass clapping, moans or dialogue. It’s breakup sex, makeup sex, you got me fucked up sex, shut the fuck up sex…

Sex is just sex. It’s happening. It’s cool. You’re not trying to prove a point or teach any lessons. Just having sex. Here with a purpose. But love-making is with your roll dawg, ya baby girl, the bonnie to your clyde. And I kid you not, it’s the number one sex preferred by any and all, because even if it’s trash, there’s an element of certainty + care that adds a comforting component. 

Research states that sexual relations built on trust and dependency make for the best sex. Because I trust you to satisfy me. I trust you to take the condom off, to pull out in time, or even to nut in me. I trust you enough to get fully naked and not give a fuck. To go full-out and give 100%.

MEN VS. WOMEN

The biggest fear for men (as a species — not even related to sex) is that they’re not good enough and will fail. They won’t achieve the success they expect for themselves and essentially let down those they care for most. The biggest fear for women is that they’re unworthy of being loved to the fullest extent. That as creatures who are so giving, one might not be good enough to receive that same love. So can you see how if the man allows himself to give and the woman allows herself to receive, the relationship will *drumroll please* HAPPEN TO SUCCEED!

I really liked this guy… so much that it was actually a little scary. One of those, “oh hell nah this nigga might change my life” types. So much, that I was trying my absolute best to cockblock all feelings and deprive us both of all sexual acts. When I tell y’all his body would be talking to me. From across the room, I could feel this pull between us that left me not only uncomfortable, but with wet panties lmao. This was simply off of words, conversation, mental stimulation, ideassssss. This was the beginning of an intimate relationship (and coincidently the person that had me on the toilet shook at my terrible performance).

We live in a generation where caring can be frowned upon. You don’t have the time nor the energy. No one wants to get hurt and people ain’t shit to begin with, but no one wants to feel used. No one wants to be a dick provider or piece of ass, whether you care that much or not.

In psychology, you learn that intimate liaisons invoice knowledge, interdependency, care, trust, responsiveness, mutuality, and commitment. But generally speaking, Webster says it’s simply a close familiarity or friendship. All I’m asking is you get to know your partners. That you develop a sense of connection. Because when both genders allow the other person to feel respected and accepted… there is a difference in the language of bodies. It’s a powerful energy that revolves around connection and synchronization. One is focused, embodied and present, “totally absorbed in the moment.” A study even noted, that those grounded within themselves were more capable of letting go with others (meaning some of y’all might not need to be having sex at all cough cough). 

This studys results continually built upon the importance of ‘letting go’ and being completely genuine. ‘Baring it all’ was considered a unique liberation and important component of amazing sex. And with reference to Coach Carter, Akeelah and the Bee, or Marianne Williamson herself, as we are liberated from our own fear, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

Trey Songz sang it well in sex ain’t better than love, but author, Rowan Pelling breaks it down further voicing, “I’m really shocked by how many people say they’ve never been to bed with someone who looked them in the eye, particularly at the point of orgasm. Of course there’s something about people being in their box and having fantasies during sex, but if people are having a lifetime of sex without eye contact, it’s an indication of how common it is to be physically close to someone, yet remain disconnected.”

#COLDBLOODED #HEARTLESS #NIGGASAINTSHIT

Imani, I don’t know this person. I don’t want to get to know them. And I don’t care. *CUES DRAKE FINESSE* Fine. Here’s how to fake it smh.

• FEEL: I’ve probably told the man to suck a titty fifteen times on here, so I’m gonna speak to the ladies. Men get insecure. They need reassurance, just like we do. Touch his body. Stroke his back. Move your hands up and down his biceps and triceps. Let him know you peep the improvements. It don’t matter if he’s hefty or rocking the bird chest, get him to take his shirt off so you can look at the bronzed skin or tattoos. Feel the crevices. It might throw him off, but I guarantee it’ll make him feel special.
• LOOK: Ever been in the club and you hit somebody with a look from across the room and y’all just staring at each other for three seconds. SHITS POWERFUL. Implement it in your sex game.
• BE DISTRACTION-FREE: Why have netflix on, when you know you’re not watching? Anticipate one’s arrival. Mute your notifications. Lock the door just incase. Kick out your dog so you don’t see them on the yard and people ask why they’re barking at you specifically.
• TALK: Minimal communication, maximizes thinking and you’re not supposed to be thinking you’re supposed to living your best life. Personally, I love me a good inside joke (but i’m also weird) so I recommend a few simple sentences. A soft, “yes, don’t stop” can truly make the difference.
• STRATEGIZE: Backshots are a favorite for us all, but make them your finale. Try positions that are more conducive to intimacy like missionary and the morning slide in from the spoon. Don’t let him jackhammer himself into a different mental space. When you see him attempting not to finish, bring him back in the moment and allow him to release.
• After you’ve had sex, hold on to each other for a while. Don’t immediately rush out, and if you must… give a dose of positive feedback.

The key to sensual sex is making your partner feel extremely comfortable. You don’t want them thinking they’re a piece of ass, even if you (and they) both know they are. So even thought it’s about you, you kinda have to fake it and make it seem like it’s about them. Cater to them a little bit, with some type of foreplay obviously, but also simple things like complimenting her body, communicating during sex, looking at her rather than avoiding contact. Have a gentleman’s etiquette. She’ll feel cherished and respected, and essentially it creates that whole sensual feeling.

It’s not about the quality of D, it’s how the D is presented. When he all up in yo guts but still give you them soft kisses in between killing your shit.. when you’re cuddled together and she rubs her ass right on the dick… when you’re making out while he’s inside of you. THIS IS WHAT MAKES A MEMORY.

“Having good pussy is more about the sexual experience as a whole. Which I feel women would agree is the same for a dude having good dick. As a woman your sex game goes to another level when you’re passionate about the sex.” *especially if there’s some head involved.

“Of course, you can have sex without intimacy, just as you can have intimacy without sex. But when you put the two together you have an experience that is in a different ballpark when it comes to fulfilment,” he says. “The problem is, people are afraid of intimacy, they’re afraid to articulate the desires that could lead to real intimacy — but if we don’t articulate those desires we will never experience the potential of a relationship.”

Y’all want to know why I have good sex? I care. Sex is the most intimate experience you can share with someone else, and yet it’s still possible to have it without connecting. Get to know your partner. Have a conversation. Show some vulnerability. Transcend in the moment. Surrender to their power. Let the happening be blissful. And for thirty minutes to an hour, treat ’em like they’re yours.

(In bed. We don’t love these niggas)

SOURCES: