MASTERING THE CURVED DICK

I STILL VIVIDLY REMEMBER THE DAY SAFAREE’S DICK PICS BROKE THE INTERNET. I, AS DID MOST AFRICAN AMERICAN FEMALES HOP ON TWITTER TO FIND WHAT NICKI HAD BEEN RIDING FOR ALL THOSE YEARS.

When I came upon it, I was astonished — not because of it’s size, but because of the intricate shape that seemed so similar to that of a ripe banana. I had a couple bodies under my belt and props to them cause they all had great pee-pees, but none belonged to the “curved dick” category. After reading a few comments, I learned this was a MAJOR THING in the sex world. And years later when I encountered my first ripe banana, I quickly learned… this shit deserves a whole separate article. 

WTF ARE YOU TALKING BOUT SIS?

Penises are one of a kind, and no one knows this more than a woman whose seen a multitude of them. I remember losing my virginity and finally seeing a dick in real time. “This is not what it looked like on screen,” I thought to myself, secretly thankful I wasn’t dealing with a black Mandingo. Porn does dicks little justice when it comes to variety, creating an idolized “standard” that’s often far from the average man’s reality. I can see how men, just like women, find themselves worried or even insecure about whether they’re too short, too thin, too stocky or too… curved.

Well, I’m here to tell you something I’m praying most of you have already figured out. It’s not about what you have, it’s about what you can do. And to my brothers with the curved D, you’re often described as the master race because what you can do is precisely hit the spot without much effort.

CURVED DICK DEFINITION

I’m not going into details about angles, because you shouldn’t be having sex if you don’t know the difference between a straight and curved penis. (I guess you could be reading in an effort to find out, so it’s technically my responsibility to get you hip). There are often described as a hook or a banana crook. The hook curves with the tip upward, while the crook’s tip points towards the ground. From the man’s eye, the can appear smaller, but my friend we all know the truth. 

NOTE: If the curve exceeds 30 degrees in any direction or becomes painful during an erection, then we’re looking at something a little more serious. It COULD be a sign of Peyronie’s disease (caused by scar tissue) and you should definitely be scheduling a doctor’s appointment.

WHY IT’S AN ADVANTAGE

Bananas are the cream of the crop because they naturally hit the female G-Spot. This is an erogenous area that’s actually part of the clitoral network, located on the upper wall of the vagina. With the use of the “come hither” motion, it has a strong potential to provide women with orgasms. And yes, I used that word in the plural tense for a reason. If you don’t know what I’m talking about: Read this.

Curved ding-a-lings, whether accompanied with good strokes or not, are constantly rubbing against your vaginal walls, “stimulating hard-to-reach pleasure spots with relative ease.” Now, this can be accomplished by a straight penis as well, but it requires more energy. Our beloved bananas cover more area, innately implement a better technique, and tend to last longer (as long as they don’t cum when you’re freaking out yelling how you’re about to cum).

I became #PROCURVE when I realized this thing just slides down your throat. Deep-throat blowjobs can be a hassle depending on what you’re working with, and here the curve naturally accommodates to the woman’s mouth. 

WHY IT CAN BE A DISADVANTAGE

Just like having an extremely large dick, a curved dick can provide some drawbacks. You are constantly hitting the right spot. Constantly building her up to something. Constantly touching an extremely sensitive area. Women can get easily overwhelmed and depending on how hard you’re tryna poke, she might find herself in discomfort.

There’s nothing worse than you getting your shit off and her literally screaming because it hurts. Not only is this awkward, because the vibe is completely ruined, but it often creates performance anxiety for men in the future. Now he’s mentally worried about physically hurting you and more than likely limiting his strokes. However, as someone whose kicked niggas in the chest for banging on my cervix, it’s important to always provide test strokes. Slowly progress into deep penetration and test how far you can go before officially beating the pussy up. 

ALSO FOREPLAY… IF NIGGAS STILL KNOW WHAT THIS IS… YA KNOW, JUST SAYING.

Aside from pain, no one wants throw up on their dick, so be aware that though a curved dick can provide ease of access. It can also trigger an unexpected gag reflex when she’s 6 inches down.

TO MY LADIES: *Mufasa Voice* BE PREPAREDDDDDDD. 

The thought of having multiple orgasms either excites you or scares you. If it scares you, maybe try the come hither motion at home a few times independently. This will allow you to get more cozy with the feeling of ejaculation and even if you don’t go all the way, you won’t be freaking out when suddenly you think you have to pee. It’s also important to be relaxed. Remember this is for YOUR benefit. Switch positions if you feel it’s best. Change the angles if you think it’ll feel better. Nine times out of ten, taking charge will turn your partner on anyways.

TECHNIQUE

The curve can go up, down or arched to the side. Take note of which positions work best for each dick. Maximize what your mama gave you (or your man). 

THE HOOK — curved down 👎🏾

Missionary isn’t always fun with a flamingo’s beak, but pretzels, reverse cowgirl and all types of backshots are strongly recommended (Downward Doggy, Camel Style, Rear Entry). Positions that place the man in the back are your primary keys to success. Not only are you a prime candidate for the G-Spot orgasm, but the A-spot is within easy reach as well.

PERSONAL FAVES:

Rear Entry Sex Position
The Rear Entry sex position is perfect for those who like their men to be in control during sex while also remaining…

Bulldog Sex Position
The Bulldog sex position is very similar in a lot of ways to regular Doggy Style. However, you will see when you try it…

Frog Leap Sex Position
The Frog Leap position is often confused with the Leapfrog position due to their similar names. Although both positions…

Turtle Sex Position
The Turtle sex position is a type of Doggy Style sex that requires a little bit of flexibility. It’s an easy way to…

THE CROOK — curved up 👍🏾

Here we want the opposite aka anything that puts the man in the front. Missionary provides a tight fit and each thrust equates to a fulfilling rub. Pretty much all G-Spot vibrators are often pointed in the upward direction, so it really shouldn’t take much. Other recommended positions include the pogo stick, standard cowgirl, and criss-cross.

PERSONAL FAVES:

Anvil Sex Position
The anvil sex position is a variation of the Missionary position. It’s very easy to transition to when you are already…

Deep Impact Sex Position
The Deep Impact position is very similar to the Criss Cross position. It gets its name from the fact that you can have…

Launch Pad Sex Position
The Launch Pad sex position is a favorite among Bad Girls Bible readers. It’s super pleasurable and has the pleasant…

Sandwich Sex Position
The Sandwich sex position is a bit like a combination of both the Drill position and the Viennese Oyster position. It…

FOR MY SAFAREE’S WITH THE SIDE PIECES:

The author of Classic Sex Positions Reinvented states, “Some positions to try include the Side Saddle, where he’s lying on his back and she sits on him, facing the side in which the penile angle occurs,” says Ghose. “She has a lot of control and can guide her body up and down in the same motion as the angle of his penis.”

Another excellent position for a curved penis is the Sideways Scissors. “He sits on his knees and she has one leg below him and one leg above him,” says Ghose. “This position gives him a lot of control so that he can direct his penis in the direction that feels good for both of them.”

The “T” is also strongly recommended, where “the girl lies on her back with her legs spread, while the guy lies perpendicular to her while straddling one of her legs between his own.” Not only are you both lying down cozy, but you can hump away.

CURVED D’S CAN BE SCARY, BUT THEY CAN ALSO BE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED IN YOUR LIFE — YOU DECIDE.

SOURCES:

• Is A Curved-Down Penis Better For Sex? – Conscious Cock
  
• The Ultimate Visual Guide to Great Sex for Every Penis Shape and Size
  
• Women Reveal Why Your Curved, Small, or Uncircumcised Penis Drives Them Wild
• 4 Types Of Penises That Make Sex For A Woman Absolutely Fantastic
  
• CondomDepot.com
  
• The Cult of Curved Dicks – MEL Magazine
• Curved Penis? 8 Tips & Positions to Make You a Star in Bed
• Best Sex Positions For Full-Body, Screaming Orgasms (& Pics) – 2018 Edition