I’m not sure if you guys listen to Miguel… but if you do, you’re well aware this man is a full blown freak (how he went from “Sure Thing” to “Pussy is Mine” still astonishes me). And one of my all time favorite songs, which I highly recommend you never sing aloud in the presence of others is Track 3 on Wildheart, “VALLEY.”

Miguel essentially lays the blueprint for ultimate sensation, singing — lips…tits…clit…slit. All of which are notable foreplay essentials. However, today’s lesson is about the unnoticed and unfortunately untouched regions of the body that carry a strong possibility of turning your partner on.

This Valentine’s day is all about being different. And the blatant truth is, everybody doesn’t want to quote on quote take it up a notch. Everyone’s not ready to move that tongue to the bootyhole or comfortable swallowing semen. But as someone who found themselves experiencing a nipplegasm (plz know this will discussed in a separate article bc woah) I’m here to tell you… you ain’t even gotta do all that. It’s always the cliches that represent “crazy sex,” but taking advantage of erogenous zones is a simple and effective technique to improve your sex.

What gets the people going? The human body is truly a fascinating entity. I’m sure we’ve all taken a biology class or two, but it’s essentially a big bundle of nerves, interconnected with the opportunity to electrify. 

I want to talk briefly about arousal.

I remember cuddling up with a man who didn’t have the true package I desired, but he had the best foreplay buildup I’d ever experienced in my life. And he will always be remembered positively due to his commitment to simultaneous stimulation. And I’m not talking about the thumb-index finger double penetration we all know and love. I’m talking about the forgotten areas that still elicit a sexual response.

One of my favorite masturbation jokes is saying “I did it for the dopamine.” Which firstly is hilarious but also forces us to put into perspective the seriousness of these hormones. They genuinely affect one’s physical and mental state, lighting up the ‘pleasure centers’ of our brain. Dopamine released upon arousal stimulates the same area of the brain activated by heroin and cocaine. Think the feeling of euphoria & increasing desire. Oxytocin is the same hormone that’s released during childbirth and breastfeeding, tapping into those feelings of bonding and serious attachment. Serotonin acts like the body’s regulator, but kiss someone and those levels match the intensity of someone with OCD.

My point is that these hormones have you craving more. Seriously. That’s why implementing foreplay that releases these hormones PRIOR to penetration can make such a drastic difference on the sexual experience.

In short, lol — you’re high.

There are obvious hot-spots, like the breasts, nipples, pubic area and clitoris for women and the the lovely penis for men. These zones are the most popular, because they have the most extensive number of nerve endings. The penis has 4,000 and the clitoris doubles with 8,000, which basically means they’re sensitive as hell. But when these zones are stimulated in conjunction with other smaller zones, these go from hot spots to “oh my gosh, i’m bout to bust” spots. That’s why something as simple as kissing can make such a difference. Kissing puts our brain into overdrive. It’s like our lips can recognize the dopamine and next thing you know you’re on a chemical high.

Different parts of your body are also experiencing vasocongestion, which is the swelling of bodily tissues due to increased blood flow. Think REM sleep, allergic reactions, menstruation and good ole… sexual arousal. This swelling explains why my A cups look a little different when in the bedroom than in my bikini on Instagram. Your genitals are the obvious “swellers,” growing immensely in size.

There are three types of stimulation that I’ll mention throughout the article: light touch, pressure, and vibration. Sometimes it’s obvious which stimulation goes with each body part, but changing the type can often produce different reactions. Also keep in mind, heaux, that sexual pleasure is different for everyone. If you’ve had multiple partners you know that certain things one person rivets could do absolutely nothing for another partner. It’s called preferences. And sometimes this means getting creative when your best moves don’t work lol.

Anyways, from the big dawgs to the lesser-known baby makers, here’s my list of honorable hotspots that can make even a first date make-out session memorable.

Let’s go from head to toe:

  1. The Scalp  -  There’s nothing like laying down and feeling fingers run through your hair or those waves gracefully brushed with fingertips. It’s just as dreamy as getting your hair shampooed at the hairdresser. Doctor and sexual health author, Yvonne Fulbright explains that scalp massages calm us by releasing oxytocin (the less stress hormone) and our faves serotonin and dopamine (the feel good hormones), sensually prepping us for what’s next. 
  2. The Ears – This is one of my least favorite foreplay tips to implement and/or to experience. But again different strokes for different folks. I know some men (and women) who LIVE for a good earlobe moment. More popular amongst males, this erogenous zone is incredibly sensitive to a gentle touch. The heat and sensual sound of one’s breath add a unique dynamic to the sexual experience. Give it a little lick like it’s a lollipop.
  3. The Neck – I could slurp a man’s neck for twenty minutes if he let me, cause something about this area is just so enjoyable to me. You can lick it, kiss it, suck it, bite it. This particular stimulation sends signals to your circulatory system, increasing blood flow and getting that heart pumping! And you don’t have to be naked, it’s very easy to go from the ear to the nape of ones neck with a trail of soft kisses. This is considered the most aroused place with light touch. One of my random turn ons is having my hair tucked behind my ear and being grazed with a kiss on my neck or my collarbone. Idk it gives very fairytale vibes and facilitates wap. 
  • With the tongue: lick all over the side of one’s neck, but not with excessive saliva. Nobody wants a soaked neck, that’s nasty.
  • With the lips: Purse those suckers right below the jawline, but be hesitant of potential hickeys.
  • With the teeth: GENTLY grip the skin of ones neck, especially if you know pain acts as one of the persons main points of pleasure.
  1. The Breasts & Nipples – Remember, if you’ve done any prior arousal — the tits should already be tittying. Some women’s breasts are really sensitive, so light caresses or licking can go a long way. Another fun trick: Sliding a finger alongside the underboob to pop those nipples up! Speaking of the infamous nipples. These bad boys activate the same areas of the brain as clit and cervix stimulation. And their surprisingly aroused via vibration. Start slow with light squeezes or the occasional touch. But flicking the nipple can actually create a sensual shockwave through ones chest. And I’m not sure why women are nipple shaming, but… engaging with male nipples is just as useful as them engaging with yours. Same amount of nerve endings fun fact!
  2. The Belly Button (for women) – Bet ya didn’t know the belly button and clitoris are neurologically connected because they grow from the same tissue at birth. Or that licking a woman’s belly button can possibly trigger the same gotta pee // i’m being tickled sensation that you feel on your clitoris, according to the streets (the internet). OR that three inches below the belly button lies three pressure points known to be sexually pleasurable, named the Sea of Energy. HA!
  3. The Small of Back (for women) – I make it a point to get a professional massage once a quarter, if not more. I’ve treated my partner to a massage. I’ve treated my friends to a massage. If there’s one thing I’m gon do… it’s encourage y’all to let these magicians oil you up (professionally) and hit all the right spots (again, professionally). On the small of the women’s back lies the sacral nerves that shoot straight to a woman’s vagina. Now the professional massage therapist can’t turn the session into a porn episode, but you can dear sir if done at home. According to Web MD, karate-chop-style massaging or palm massages in this area helped stimulate 91% of women into orgasm.
  4. The Lower Abs – Spending some time on the lower abs is actually an integral part of my head routine, because it helps build anticipation. Anticipation can get you a long way, without doing a damn thing. Heighten the sexual tension! Give it a few kisses! Caress the tummy! Focus on the waistline of them drawers! Ones genital muscles will actually contract from excitement. Ever seen a dick start bouncing mid-kiss *EVIL LAUGHS*
  5. The Hands + Fingers – A man tried to hold my hand the other day, and I damn near jolted my arm away in nervousness. Distract your partners focus with a simple circular motion on their hands, wrists, or fingers.
  6. The Thighs – Similar to the hands and fingers, slow movement on the thighs can serve as the perfect arousal technique, through basic distraction. Your inner thighs especially are sensitive to touch, with nerve endings that can handle a bit more pressure.

Well, well, well… we’ve made it to the genitals. Each of these areas could have a post within themselves, but let’s just establish some basic arousal techniques.

  1. The Clitoris + Vagina – I want to talk about the labia, cause y’all are sleep on your body’s second pair of lips. Running your fingers up and down these enclosures. Running your penis up and down these enclosures, without any penetration…baybeee… I’m really just giving y’all game at this point. The biggest thing to remember about the clitoris, is that you need to pay attention to how the body reacts. DO NOT, I repeat, do not come out the gate thinking you know what you’re doing unless you’ve been validated by her body’s response. With finger and tongue stimulation, it’s best to tease with gentleness due to its alarming sensitivity. Consistent tempo, variating pressure, and continuous awareness will lead you to success. This area is also a fan of vibration. Ask any girl with a vibrator.
  2. The Penis – I’m gonna give you three places to remember and we gon keep it at that: (1) frenulum (2) scrotum (3) perineum. The frenulum is where the head of the penis meets the long shaft on the underside. Rather than trying to find it, I’d focus your tongue on the rim of the head. If you swirl around that a couple times, you’ve for sure covered the spot. The thing about penises is that they’re very sensitive and very breakable. So just as I advised for the clitoris, pay attention to the body’s response. Consistent tempo, variating pressure, and continuous awareness will lead you to success. The scrotum is essentially the man’s ball sack — say hello, cup them, give ‘em a little massage. Lastly, the perineum is that extra special sensitive strip from the scrotum to the anus. It’s one of those risks that might throw him off so I’d be weary with some of our “super-masculine” Kings. You know you gotta ease into things with them lol. All it takes is a gentle amount of pressure or light tongue flick as the nerve endings connect all the way back up to the thighs. 
  3. The Ass – The under-booty aka that nerve-rich area between ones thighs and butt can be stimulated by kisses, licks and the trace of a finger. Booty rubs are also a real thing. Spanking is also a real thing. We love both. When it comes to anal stimulation, this is not the place to start relaxation. You want to be well relaxed before getting your pelvic floor (PC) muscles involved, especially for those not commonly using the area. There’s a lot of options to stimulate without having to penetrate. Applying pressure (with a finger or penis head) can actually be very pleasing and involves no oral contact. Gently massaging can provide the perfect sensation without full blown anal commitment. For women especially, the anal-clit two part stimulation can be quite orgasmic.
  4. The Feet – With men think soles, with women think toes. Go to the third toe and a third of the way down lies the Bubbling Springacupressure point of the male foot. Chile that sensation will “bubble” all the way to his penis. As for women, the “reflex backwards” is known for inducing orgasm, which can commonly be activated by applying pressure to ones toes while in your mouth. The vagina is actually connected to the toes, which is where the term “toe-curling” orgasm comes from.

Well folks, it alls starts with this. None of this involves penetration and yet i’m sure your partner will love it here. You don’t have to do them all, but strategic implementation is the key.

It’s always the small things…

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