Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, women give absolutely nothing but vagina for Valentine’s day and expect the best from their significant others. And honestly, that’s not my business. But in the event that is you (ladies) I want us to present our p*ssy in the prettiest way possible. Meaning a step above the Fashionnova and PLT fast fashion sets, you all can’t seem to unshackle yourselves from. Tis a glamorous occasion… let’s act like it! ❤️
The thing about lingerie is that… men honestly don’t care that much. They are creatures of the eye, so it captures their attention. It grasps their minds momentarily, but it doesn’t hold their attention or keep them enticed over time. Most of the time the lingerie you spent so much time choosing with him in mind ends up balled in the corner as he’s hitting it from the back.
And there’s a psychological reason why lingerie gets taken off so fast. Anyone that’s taken a basic psych class learned about classical conditioning, whether it was the dogs, meat, and the bell or poor alvin. Over time, men have been trained to associate lingerie with the action of sex, triggering a more immediate response of excitement and preparedness. Their anticipation is essentiallY… automated. But even OUTSIDE of the big moment, lingerie can be a tool to build sexual confidence, heighten sexual tension, and spice up one’s routine.
In the blink of an eye, it seemed all my friends were in relationships. Deeply, madly in love, with boyfriends picking them up from brunch or treating them with trips across the nation. There were times I envied them and there were times they envied me. And the times they envied me most, were when I was meeting new people, experiencing new things, and going through the fun, (but somewhat exhausting) stages of introducing sex within a new pairing.
Let’s face it, sex can feel very routine, especially within long-term monogamous relationships. We’ve only got so many tricks up our sleeve. And once you do your moves so many times, you’re kinda clueless on what to do next. With sex especially, most of us do the same things over and over again. Start with the same position, and end with the same position. It’s just how we are as creatures. But one thing I was shocked that my fellow girlfriends hadn’t figured out, was that having a large variety of lingerie was one of the easiest ways to spice up a normal sex routine.
And this isn’t necessarily for just you and your partner. Chile, sometimes you gotta spice it up with yourself.
I love lingerie. I have a few pieces in my closet just waiting to meet the eyes of sombody’s son. And I think my aptitude for continuously purchasing is my true affinity to feeling sexy.
My mother once joked, “the reason people love makeup sex so much is because it gives them a reason to introduce passion. Most people lose passion over time, and it can be really hard to bring that back.” I’ve already yapped before about the different types of sex, but passion is something fully exuded throughout your body. Men often take the more action based role during love-making, so their insecurities aren’t as transparent to the common eye. But especially within the bedroom can men identify those women who are confident, feeling sexy, and capable of bringing passion into the experience vs. those who lack the independent comfort to be their best selves in bed. Feeling sexy doesn’t just translate to your general performance, but it allows the opportunity to more comfortably push boundaries and take on new roles.
And yes by roles, i’m introducing role play– the sexy nurse, the police woman, cat woman… y’all know your classic fantasies. But I’m more-so referring to the different bedroom “themes” that can curate the facade that the sex is different.
For example, in all my romantic interactions I normally take on one of two roles– the princess or the woman in charge, both of which can be translated into my actions in bed. The princess is based in femininity, letting her man handle all the “dirty-work” as she sits in exquisite glam. This is when I decide to fuel the standard gender roles and pump my man’s ego (cause we all know relationships come with some ego pumps). How does this correlate with lingerie? It’s giving pinks and purples. Whites for innocence. A spritz of Chanel No.5, because romance is in the air! It’s giving let him take control, but make sure he eats me out for twenty-minutes because I’m his greatest gift from God and I deserve nothing but the best.
Whereas the woman in charge, my standard alternative, ya know– the independent, black woman who don’t need no man, (but needs that dick) can be found wearing all black. She’s in lace, leather, or the outstanding elegance of black satin. Ya don’t even have to dibble dabble in bondage, it could be as simple as “baby, sit back… let me take the lead tonight.” Let’s switch up the power dynamics and initiate sex simply with my outfits demeaner.
Different materials and styles can truly insinuate different bedroom moods or enhance bedroom personalities. This includes accessories as well, such as thigh high boots vs. thigh high stockings.
So what should we wear? What are our options?
- Traditional Two-Pieces: bra + underwear
- Teddy: (my personal fave) fits like a glove and often has cutouts to hide + reveal certain parts.
- Babydolls & Chemise: a sexy, yet comfy alternative. the first falls underneath the yeeks, while the chemise falls along the thighs.
- Corsets: think traditional! not the most comfortable, but creates the illusion of no waist + broader hips + pulsing chest. also not the easiest to get off.
- Garter Belts & Body Chains: considered accessories, but add some different elements to the traditional two-piece sets.
The keys with lingerie is to put your best features on display, which is why there’s such a variety of types. You have the option to show what you’re comfortable with and hide those parts you’re still working on loving. 😇
GETTING HIM TO KEEP IT ON:
I know ladies. I’ve had a piece of lingerie ripped that I damn near wanted to send a cash app request for after the fact. We love our lingerie the same way we love our shoes, and they deserve the respect of not just being noticed, but truly being seen. Well here’s the thing: unfortunately we’re asking for a lot. Unless explicitly stated his full intentions are to get you out of them quite shortly after you put them on.
But there is always a loophole… *evil laughs*
There are crotchless panties, open back undergarments, bodysuits with slits or slip dresses (babydolls/chemise) that provide him with the perfect ease of access. With these options there’s no logistical reason that they need to be removed. So put your foot down and demand they stay for the sesh! You can also wear lingerie that has you damn near naked. No point of taking off bedazzled nipple pasties!
VALENTINE’S DAY IMPLEMENTATION:
I’ve somehow made the simplest subject into a wordy article lol, but it’s because you heaux will not get creative. How can you implement lingerie into this glorious lovers days without wearing it before bed? How can you be different this year, one might add? *invisible ink* Cook breakfast with it on. Take photos in it that morning and send it to him midday while he’s at work. Plan a shopping trip together where you go to a lingerie store and pick something as a couple. Purchase an item in his favorite color and lay it out on the bed so he can peep it before heading out to dinner. Hell, wear it to dinner, revealing just enough so he knows that it’s on. Ya got. To get. Creative!
Last but not least… WHERE TO COP:
It’s important to update your “catalog” so to speak, because lingerie tends to stick specifically to a certain memory. (There goes that conditioning again!) Below are a few of my favorites, ranging from industry leaders to smaller based brands. However embedded within the article are the IG’s of Black Owned Lingerie lines, because we circulate the Black dollar round here (and it’s Black History Month!)
- Lounge Intimates
- La Perla
- Agent Provocateur
- Fleur Du Mal
- God Save the Queens
- Thistle & Spine
- Victoria’s Secret
Though arguably expensive, consider the purchase a long-term investment in the name of self-care. Lingerie makes you feel sexy, which changes your behavior and attracts positive sexual energy. “Adding spice” can be difficult, but trying new styles can add a layer of excitement, especially when it’s selected outside your norm.