I can be a bit of a hornball to be quite frank. Which is nothing I’m embarrassed to say aloud, because it’s been scientifically proven that women desire sex way more than men. We could go round after round. Orgasm after orgasm. We talk about it to our friends. Read magazines with interesting tips. We think about it when we lay our heads down to sleep. Hmm… wonder if he wants to have sex? It’s the best part of relationships, having someone to act on it with, with “no shames attached.” But only a few of us, act on it, time after time.

**I want to note that women put hormones in our bodies to prevent y’all from having kids, and that could very well be a reason our bodies are telling us to go for it.

But I found myself laying next to a man… a very attractive man, might I add, and for some gotdamn reason, I could no go for it. I lied there… wanting to have sex.. desperately wanting to have sex… body lubricating… p*ssy screaming “GIRL JUST DO IT”… and y’all I could not do it. I could not initiate. I don’t know what in the heeby-jeeby’s was in the weed I smoked, but it had me down bad.

Turns out when I confronted my friends about this lack of… initiation, I only discovered these nigglets were doing the same thing! They too just lied there waiting for him to roll over, but were also somewhat bored, because they knew exactly when and how he was going to do it.

Today I come to you, with an urgent message to take control. To dominate the experience from top to bottom, even if he tries to regain control.

I’ve talked alot lately about how sex can get routine. Think I’ve mentioned it every article in this V-day series, because with us getting older and (arguably) taking things more serious. We find ourselves in monogamous relationships with the same dick and vagina we’ve seen, licked, kissed and rubbed a million times. And the question is always: how do we spice it up?

So ladies– this one is for you. Because the men told me “add an element of surprise.” And it’s funny, because women already know this could help their relationship, they’re just too [unwilling/nervous/lazy/etc.] to take things into their own hands.

LADIES, THIS V-DAY I WANT SHOCK FACTOR (and there’s a few ways to do it)


Switching the environment is the easiest way to switch things up. Think elaborate ladies. Balcony. Kitchen counter. Give him head while he’s driving. If he takes you out for dinner, why not text him you need help unzipping your dress in the bathroom and when he arrives be standing in your lingerie. Come on! THINK!


I want you to initiate sex. Spontaneously. Either verbally or physically. This means texting him: I’m going to fuck the shit out of you later. This means sending a photo of what you’re wearing that night, that morning. And if he immediately decides to initiate, say no. Make him wait. Push it back. Make him believe something different is coming, even if you got the same two moves waiting for his ass 😂 Then when you decide, either planned or unplanned. Make your move. Whisper in his ear that now is the time. Put him where you want him. Undress him. Give him directions. Decide the pace of sex, positions, hell, do it all yourself!


Last but not least, this is by far where you should get the most creative. When I say “something new” this doesn’t have to mean opening the nightstand and pulling out the vibrator for his testicles or swinging out the anal beads. If that’s the energy though, do ya thing. But I want you to find a way to make the experience different.

Make him feel something new– by blindfolding him, introducing ice, cuffs, feathers, whips, hell satin sheets even makes sex feel different.

Make him see something new– whether it’s a lingerie set and heels, playing pornography in the back, or you just doing an act that you rarely do (like deep-throating, facials, or riding).

Lastly, make him learn something new– put him out of his comfort zone, but introducing something he’s never done before that you want to explore as a couple. Allow him to recognize that there’s more in your relationship to discover even if it’s not every night in the bedroom.

These are my suggestions ladies. And don’t be ashamed to hit up your local group chat to brainstorm something even bette.

Add the element of surprise… “FUCK HIM DIFFERENT TONIGHT!”

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