I want to start this blog post by saying I’m currently off the wine and the mojitos, which is essentially me at my lustiest. And I apologize because I always say— I’m gonna post at a certain time (or day), and I don’t. Consistency has never really been my thing…
Anyways, today you’re in for a treat.
Today we’re talking about my favorite sexual act and I say that not because I’m out here slurping penises up left and right. But because if you’ve read this blog long enough, you know it’s something I’m very proud of when it comes to my progress.
I recently wrote a book (please cop: www.imanisanders.com) and everyone has cackled about the comedic story of me sucking my first dick. It was terrible. Toothy. Embarrassing. It was everything it wasn’t supposed to be. But one thing about me… I refuse to be bad at things. And luckily my sweetheart of lovers humbly volunteered to help work out all my kinks.
Now I know what you’re thinking if you’re an OG. Didn’t you already write an article about sucking dick? Haven’t we already touched that topic? You’re very right, I did. Great article, matter fact. Still strongly recommended for those in need of some tongue twisting techniques to turn things up a notch. But today I want to give you the formula. I want to break it down, so that it can officially be broke (love jones reference).
Because what I’ve learned in my short time here on this Earth, especially now that I’ve been in real relationships, where sex can go from exciting to routine: is that men are really quite simple. They don’t even need all the superior stops. Just how women can be elated from that one circular motion, men can find themselves overwhelmed from that one exquisite slurp.
And there’s nothing more impressive… than getting him to nut in under ten minutes.
I started this article’s research by going straight to an all-female group-chat, where I straight-up asked: y’all making the niggas nut off head alone? And to my uttermost shock, they all said yes. Now normally when answers come back in unison, I assume someone’s lying. But these girls weren’t the type to lie. I couldn’t even respond… I just got to thinking.
There was a time I wasn’t committing this act. There was a time my head was genuinely the warm-up. But somehow I found myself being greeted by cum, when I swore we were in the pregame. Was I going a bit too hard? Was I going a bit too crazy? Was this nigga just letting me take it all the way? Was he too horny to the point that he had no control? WHY WAS I SUCKING DICK AND SOMEHOW NOT HAVING SEX.
This brings me to the formula: moisture + suction + consistency.
Men love wet, sloppy, saliva-filled toppy. So after some tongue-tying kisses, and trailing them all the way down to his waistline: greet his penis with streamline of spit. Make a spit bubble in your mouth and release it onto his tip.
I’m gonna have a personal moment here: I hate saliva. I hate the stickiness. I hate how it just sits in a puddle while you’re doing your thing and as you go back in forth it gets on your chin. I truly despise it. The most random things make me feel disgusting and for some reason spit is one of them lol. So I take a moment to tell the dick hayyyy before getting it involved. I layer my tongue with a thin layer of moisture and then glide my tongue up and down. Wiggle it at the tip a little bit. But the harsh reality is: spit just has to be involved.
It’s really important that you emphasize what you’re doing here. The first minute should be a hand job with that saliva and your hand. You could make eye contact with him or just focus intently on what you have in your hands. But when you finally embrace the ding-dong with your mouth. You want to start by going all the way down. Yes, chile, deep throat it.
DEEP-THROAT? WE JUST STARTED SIS! Listen. Deep throat is not something too many people can do repetitively. I’ve said a million times, put your tongue on the floor of your mouth and your airways magically open, but my girls finally broke it to me that everyone can’t do that, my jaw is not normal and I need to stop mentioning it like it is. Apparently y’all really be bout to vomit, and I need to be more sensitive.
But the thing about deep-throating is it’s actually not the male’s favorite. It’s an amazing skillset to have, but not necessarily the best use of your time or energy. Most people are afraid to deep-throat, cause chile if the man finds out you can, here he is trying to turn this into a porno-flick. Hence why I say start with it and get it out the way. Use it as a transition between moves or as a rest break. Come back to it occasionally if it’s your thing, but otherwise start when the dick is in it’s most vulnerable state (the beginning).
So what is the main move? It can be done a few different ways, but the concept is still the same. Pressure on the shaft and playfulness at the tip.
When it comes to a mans shaft, you really want to have a strong, but alluring presence. Hold it with a sense of control, but not to where you’re physically gripping it. This section is called “suction” because you’re trying to imitate the pressure of being inside a vagina. You want there to be this pulling element of your hands, but again accompanied by softness. And you want to maintain this presence while doing an up and down motion. As one of my fellow finsta followers mentioned in her sloppy toppy tutorial: it’s really all in the wrist. Going up and down directly is something you should do toward the end, because it applies an insane amount of pressure. Think of that gesture as like… the intense pressure everyone feels during backshots. Save that sis. Here you want to introduce the flick of the wrist, which should motion something along the lines of you making a wave with your hand. Up and down motion, but your ankle should def be rotating.
The same thing should be done with your mouth. Control, but not grip. Pull, but with softness. And finally what makes blow-jobs, outshine hand-jobs: the ability to really suck the soul out his dick. Kissy face ladies. That’s the standard positioning, I recommend. Now you have to be a little more aware of your teeth, but that’s when being of ethnic descent and having those lips kylie bought come in to play. This is where you start getting that neck involved. This is where you introduce diversity. This is where you throw a deep throat in for the fun of it. Keep that pressure on the shaft to mimic blissful penetration.
Five minutes left.
Here we introduce, playfulness at the tip or what everyone should forever recognize as: The Jill Scott. Now if you’ve applied appropriate pressure on the shaft, you should be a little worn out. But these last couple minutes are really what separates the queens from the KWEENS. This combo is just as good as the vaginal-clitoral two-finger combo. This combo is just as good as a little double penetration. You want to bring your lips to the top. Lick around that ridge, and start OH-EEE’ing. I brainstormed really hard a better way to communicate this, but this all I got.
When you say “OH” you lips naturally come forward into that kissy face. When you say “EEE” your lips naturally pull back almost like you’re beginning to grin. You want to do both. Back to back. “OH-EEE” again and again. It’s almost like a mouth massage. Simultaneously you want to bring your hand back on the shaft, apply pressure, and flick that wrist.
Four minutes left.
This when you gotta start playing dirty. You bring those eyes up and you look directly at him without breaking eye contact. You start moaning or humming a little bit, introduce some throat vibrations. If moaning seems like too much, just a “Mhmmmm” will do the trick. It’s about that time to spit on that pee-pee to add that element of sloppiness.
Three minutes left.
Bring that hand to the top of his shaft so that it meets your lips… and together (hand and lips) glide up and down that thang! This is normally when he realizes, ah damn– this b*tch got me!
And for the last two minutes. No matter what he does. You keep going. You do that move over and over and over again. One of the reasons penis-carriers beating off too much can be detrimental to their sex life, is because their penises become trained to a certain hand motion. And this move is that hand motion x10. I think most women fail to realize that they have him, they just gotta keep going and implement repetition. It can get a little boring for your mouth’s sake. But I kid you not, the consistency will find a way to revel a response like no other. You’re building him up more than switching it up every fifteen seconds.
Oh! And for the last thirty seconds… if it seems like he needs a little more push. Remember that move I told you to save? The up and down with no wrist movement? Do that.
I’ve done my part folks. I’ve given you all the formula to success.
If you’ve done this for ten minutes, I can guarantee you won’t have the energy to go another ten. And at that point, come up, roll over, and tell him you win lmao. But me and my gals have stamped this is the way to leave him frazzled as you go on about your day.