Equality During Sex: Why Does the Woman Just Lay There?

The number one thing that guys always come to me about is equality during sex. How come girls don’t want to ride? I have to do all the work! Why can’t she take some control. I’m tired of always being the dominant force. You get the point here. So in honor of all those conversations — let’s talk about equality during sex.

Men, Desire is not the problem.

One thing vaginas are excellent at doing is wanting something inside of them. Why do you think we let you put the tip in or get a couple strokes before demanding you’ve gone too far. We’re just funny that way😅 (it’s not funny, I know).

For us ladies, if all the factors are just right we could want sex more than our partner (or at least the same amount). According to University of Chicago’s Edward O. Laumann, PhD, “Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to environment and context.” We’re more susceptible to thoughts like wwjd, how good of a baby daddy will this man be, or will my parents kill me if I come home and tell them I’m pregnant. Author of What Do Women Want? Adventures in the Science of Female Desire, pushes the idea that “most women use sex as a means to get something else they really want, such as enduring monogamous emotional intimacy and the goods and safety that come in marriage with a protector and provider.”

Point is: Women can want the D. In fact, statistically women are more sexually adventurous than men.

These may not be the freakiest of things, but a lot of stereotypically taboo behaviors are found to be fairly common amongst active women. So if these numbers are so high, habits are so common, and desire is so strong… how come my main shawty pimp isn’t doing it???

There could be a couple problems.

Both of you are alone in your apartment. Your panties are so wet, you’d leave a puddle behind if you stood up. Ya’ll are just watching tv and laughing, but you’re so horny if he hummed in your ear you’d cum before the commercial break was over. What’s stopping you? Why aren’t you making your move? Are you afraid of rejection? “No, guys are suppose to make the move first.”

Lacking confidence. No one (male or female) likes taking L’s, but as a lady it feels even worse because we’re supposed to hold the power. We’re supposed to have y’all falling to our feet with puppy dog eyes and a little drool out the side of ya mouth begging for the magical box, so the thought of us shooting our shot and possibly getting that shit blocked causes us to stay our ass on the bench. The Sunk defines “insecure pussy” as one who never initiates, but the truth could be that we just lack confidence. Sometimes we underestimate the mental toughness it requires to fully expose oneself to another person, and often it takes time to fully do that.

“I remember the first time I was not only comfortable to have the lights on but I wanted him to actually see my body bc I just felt sexy as fuck.”

Don’t want to seem like a freak. There “freaky girl” concept comes with a lot of pros and cons. It can lift people’s expectations of your capabilities. It can have males thinking you’re down for the team. It can give penis carriers confidence to just go for the booty without asking. Moreso, it can have guys confusing your passion with craziness. As a result, females tend to downplay their desires for a little while, until you’ve proven that the freak should be released.

“I remember I felt like showing out for this guy once — I was just in a mood, I guess. We’re having sex and I’m pulling out a couple tricks. Soon as we get done he starts asking questions… So where’d you learn that? What nigga you been fucking? You wasn’t doing that two weeks ago.”

You do all the work why change that? Let’s say men universally decided that they deserve deepthroat and would no longer be slanging dick until it was given and enforced as a regular sexual practice. What do y’all think women would do… LEARN HOW TO DEEPTHROAT. But are you all going to do that. No, instead you will continue providing strokes for generations to come. Some of us just want to lay back and get D’d. We have no desire to be a star in the bedroom. We’ll allow you to place us wherever, follow your instructions, grab our orgasm and keep it moving. More than likely, because we don’t really care. Women that care will make an effort, because pleasing you pleases them. #LOVEYOURSELFKING

“Every girl has a nasty side. It just takes the right nigga to bring that out. And sometimes you not that nigga fam.” – sleezed

She’s just not that skilled. Men are pretty much trained from the get go to be the driving force in sexual relations. Women are not trained that way. When girls first learn about sex it’s not about how to get on top and ride, so in order to learn those things… she has to be taught in some form or fashion. Not having that knowledge could make her uncomfortable taking charge.

“Please stop expecting people who have no to little experience with sex to be doing magic tricks with you. It’s either you’re willing to teach or just don’t fuck with them.”

So we have identified the problem and the reasoning behind it. How can we solve the problem my dear lovers and friends?

(This is what guys told me to tell y’all, lol)

Make the first move. Add some diversity to your sex life, because most of the time he’s the one setting the routine. Rather than laying there and letting him do his thing, provide a different experience.
Be a little assertive. Ya know that moment when he’s killing your shit and you’re just like wow… this is nice… niggas are talented… niggas are really bringing me joy right now… i am happy. He wants that moment too. He wants to be able to say the same thing about your efforts. So take some control over the situation.
Ride: Don’t just say no… that’s like asking a guy for head and him saying absolutely not to your face. It hurts lmao. If you think your skills are subpar or you’re afraid of embarrassment, admit that you’re not very big on this, but you’re excited to do it and get to it. The whole “I don’t know how to do it” is an excuse because all it takes is practice.

“Believe it or not, men get turned on and usually pop off when a woman just rides and not gives a f^ck what they think. Good riding skills is composed of 70% pleasing yourself, 20% not giving a f^ck, and 10% good bounce in the bed springs.”

Don’t be stubborn. Playing hard to get should be off limits in bed. No need to dub every request he makes — whether it’s keeping the lights on or trying a new position.

sonoanthony: I like the confidence when they tell me to move positions or when they tell me they wanna ride me, to lay down, when they having fun and feel comfortable in telling me what they want. thats my fav thing tbh

Don’t be afraid of cum. Think of your body as a target… (not the box though, that place is off limits). There are those random, corky, sometimes really dumb things that somehow magically turn people on and alleviating ones sperm onto parts of the female body is one of them for men. So this is one of the simple ways that you can do something for him.